Untitled eh!

[cliffisanarcissist]

A medal and a handshake should suffice,
For an exponential loss of life.
Nuclear arms,
Boys from farms.

Oh, where did we go so astray?
A pawn, a pawn is all we will ever be,
Trapped under the thumb of a manipulative King.
Our faintheartedness,
Birthed of temporality.
Ignorant tryst,
Forged with divinity.

[TheBigMachine]

Well, it made for an interesting read - if not choppy read. The flow is constantly chopping and changing. The vocabulary would make the poem a bit of a tongue twister.

The second half of stanza one read to be as corny as hell. Somehow, it just came off completely wrong. I know what your implying, but the wording is quite poor. That said, the first half is great, no qualms.

So yeah. A few word choicing issues, a few flow issues, but otherwise it's not a bad piece of work.