Who the Dammit Staked Bmx in Our Hearts

[wartree]

Who the Dammit Staked Bmx in Our Hearts

When adrenaline pulse into your veins
You dont feel like you ‘re superman
You feel like would be vilain
If you didnt do that
Its hard to say no to another curb
Or (to) a six feet dropt to flat

The crowd down there
Composed by your friend with a smashed helmet and a curly emo hair
Its just freaking awsome rocking throught the nature
Double after double made of crappy pieces of furniture

You ask to your person why the polices are always in the best spot
Why these “mustached” fatguys never find the best way to intercept the pot

Next day you go to the trail
Leaving away some inconstitutional duties... behind
Football say some that have standart clouded minds
“Outsiders” is what they spread and even they(infuriated) who cant crack a nail


.................................................. .................................................. ....

So this is my newer song, i felt that i am not as inspirated as before, it just doesnt sound good...
But anyway here it is... I am a machine writing fast non-sense songs
Ps- this lyric have some technical terms that i dont know if you guys know...

and remember i am a newbie at writing songs, and english is not my main laguage so dont flame me to learn english (cause that i am already doing)

edit: adding a stanza

[Volume8]

Bmx is all good now,

But when you've broken enough bones you'll lose the buzz, can't beat the adrenaline rush you get from a fractured collar bone.

Anyway im getting a nautious "Thrice" or "Ataris" vibe from this song. A bit goldfinger tony hawks 1 meets BMX. If you wan't to improve it change the songs direction, go into further depths about the adrenaline addiction. throw some anticipation in there a few reactions, otherwise you may aswell be singing a review from the EXTREME sports channel.

You dont feel like you ‘re superman
You feel like would be vilain

These two lines really have great potential, i like this.
Just take these two lines, and write a different song entirely.

[Surf]

songs about things like this (skateboarding bmxing etcetc) don't usually work. you have to take a realy original stance, and write it very well, otherwise it just seems cheesy.

unfortunatley, this isn't one of those. it is cheesy and a bit boring. references to how annoying the police are because they take your pot are also not good. this feels a bit immature in terms of tone and subject matter.

as you're not an english speaker, i'll gloss over your mistakes, but the language barrier doesn't excuse the line 'curly emo hair'. sorry, but i couldn't find muc to like here at all. normally i would point you towards the guide, but i'm not sure how much that would help. on a basic level, you need more imagery metaphor etc, just to make it somewhat more interesting to read

[wartree]

Bmx is all good now,

But when you've broken enough bones you'll lose the buzz, can't beat the adrenaline rush you get from a fractured collar bone.


Ya bmx is pretty fustrating when you get broken bones, but you know next day you want to go there again...I try to not speed the evolution, always see what have risk or not..and i just do some trails for pleasure...so the risk is less... Ya that two verses ... I couldnt had a brilliant idea to continue, but i will try...

[wartree]

Anything more, peeple

[wartree]

So these are my first three lyrics

Screw the Teacher


We are alone in town
Of Desolation & chaos
Here it is all about arithmetic tables
Writhed with crippled desks of maple
The chairs are made of trash and white glue
Hearing the voice of a nerd beast saying lie
Its impossible be good at this, i have no clue
Sitting in the room watching the sky
Made of extinguished lamps and chewed papper, plz sir dont make my cry


Stanza of Mine

Why “folks” are so hypocrit
Its just the be to be?
Or the business to get a tricky friend for plus one day
Some believe in a world without war
But i dont believe in a world without hypocrisy
Hapiness is not porportional to richness
Bill Gates is the proof
But why is hypocrisy the proof “celebrityness”
Everyone is so tired of arstis who just pretend burn the roof

Who the Dammit Staked Bmx in Our Hearts

When adrenaline pulse into your veins
You dont feel like you ‘re superman
You feel like would be vilain
If you didnt do that
Its hard to say no to another curb
Or to a six feet dropt to flat

The crowd down there
Composed by your friend with a smashed helmet and a curly emo hair
Its just freaking awsome rocking throught the nature
Double after double made of crappy pieces of furniture

You ask to your person why the polices are always in the best spot
Why these “mustached” fatguys never find the best way to intercept the pot

Next day you go to the trail
Leaving away some inconstitutional duties... behind
Football say some that have standart clouded minds
“Outsiders” is what they spread and even they(infuriated) who cant crack a nail

...............................................

What style do you think that these genres (of writing) are in? And for what music they are more suitable?

[Volume8]

Erm, Its not that i think your a terrible person infact as a poster on here i find you quite tollerable. But your style of writing, if not style certainly the content is wholey juvenile. These lyrics would fit perfectly if you were to play them at a "school social" or a similar event, but anyone past the age of 15 just isn't going to appretiate them.

Screw The Teacher

Now although i do not agree with the educational system, which is built upon the premice of a persons worth being proven by how they handle themselves in an examination room. I do not see teaches as the source of the problem, Granted having been through School, College and University i have had more time and experience to digest these facts however i would have thought that with even the slightest contemplation you too could come to the same conclusion. This song seems to merely skim the surface of the subject proving that you haven't put a great deal of thought into it, thus a song without thought is a song without real feeling.

1/5

Stanza of Mine

Why “folks” are so hypocrit
Its just the be to be?
Or the business to get a tricky friend for plus one day

This just makes no sence what so ever

Some believe in a world without war
But i dont believe in a world without hypocrisy
Hapiness is not porportional to richness
Bill Gates is the proof

Can you actually prove this to be in any way true?

But why is hypocrisy the proof “celebrityness”

Isn't actually a word

Everyone is so tired of arstis who just pretend *to* burn the roof

I have added the word "to" here, However its still quite poor

1/5

As for the last i have already commented, Personally i find that your general style is quite lacking, as for the subject matters even though i could say i could relate to them, i cannot relate to them within the given context.

[wartree]

ok, but that from bill gates means that bill gate dont have his hapinnes porportional to his money.... Porportional!!! One more dollar one more hapiness, lol, no... So if a person is happy and he have a million times more money than that person,it dont means that he his a million times happyier than that person.... I repeat porportional