First Lyrics

[Aryl7]

I'm normally used to writing literature more than anything, but here it goes. The first sounds a little cliche I think, and I would appreciate any help I could get on it. The second is something I worked up in a 5 minute spell of anger, not sure about this one either.

#1:
Angels in the Whirlwind
Verse 1
She doesn’t recognize happiness
She’s moving farther down the list
And the needles going deeper
And some man, he wants to see her
But she’s lost in the skies

I see inside she’s really crying
Her breath is empty, soul is sighing
And the needles going deeper
And no-one wants to be her
But I’m lost in her eyes

Chorus
She’s an angel in the whirlwind
Tangled in unyielding sin
Her wings are tattered, torn, and broken
Her voice a dream of words unspoken
She’s my angel in the whirlwind

Verse 2
She says:
I’m sleepless in this sleeping town
The fire burns us to the ground
Like fireflies in the afterglow
Our ashes fall like dust and snow

Then she tells me that:
The birds in black fly to the ground
The troubled echoes make their sounds
They scream at us and we still look down
No, we don’t even look around

Chorus
She’s an angel in the whirlwind
Tangled in unyielding sin
Her wings are tattered, torn, and broken
Her voice a dream of words unspoken
She’s my angel in the whirlwind

BridgeShe’s calling now
She says no, don’t leave now
Because everybody dies alone
And I don’t want to be alone
And I don’t want to die alone

SOLO

Chorus
She’s an angel in the whirlwind
Tangled in unyielding sin
Her wings are tattered, torn, and broken
Her voice a dream of words unspoken
She’s my angel in the whirlwind

The light dims
And she says:
Life’s not a race for the swift
Not a battle for the strong
And so my Angel rides the whirlwind
Down into the storm

[Aryl7]

#2:
Regime Change
The noise drowns me
The clock hammers
nails into flesh
They talk
so long
so wrong

The days of endless
Wretched monotony
Red-eyed ravens
And mad-men

A surreal reality
Melancholy reverie
Drown in
My dreams
Will I ever sleep again?

My secrets
Her malevolent
surprises
Purify my pitiful
existence

She wants it
And I hid it
From her
As the mind hides
The true thoughts
Of its loving entity
Swallow me
In my entirety

They follow
me, like a plague
I defy her.
Bright lights
Invade our
Precious minds
Every day becomes
The apocalypse of now.

And so follows
The regime change.

[Chartier111290]

For a first lyric... ill say 9/10 for overall lyrics 7.5 y dont seem to be getting the beat of the song in my head. I love this part : Her wings are tattered, torn, and broken. Keep Going ^^ You doing nice for the first lyrics btw their pretty long you makin 10min songs?