nostalgia

[i am the robots]

uggggggggggg
breeeeeeeeee
aaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

[intro screams lol]

a child is crying
the sun went to sleep tonight
its death was peaceful
and still we mourn this loss
our aspirations, all our dreams
are buried underfoot
our hopes, our expectations
have been crushed in the rising tide

speech is duality incarnate
a knife, the shoulder of a lover
eyes draw us to places dismal
words haunt us, sleep is lost
buried are the smiles of yesterday
lost in questions

pale form dancing in the peripheral
shadowed orbs, enchanting hazel
threads of ebony, pink and gold
sweetly rounded deception
parting in the name
of lust and lies

and as it seems its all for not
a ship lost out to sea
a mistress waiting for her consorts
to return to home and start again
a never ending cycle wont repeat
it cant again

none of use ever thought
that the sky would taunt us
and choke our breaths away

and so we struggle up this hill
wondering when well be relinquished
and still all our words mean not a thing to you
we clasp our hands together
mouthing final wishes grasping onto hope
and still all our words mean not a thing to you
try as we might to stop the onslaught
of pesilential kisses
and still all our words mean not a thing to you

i thought you said you loved me

[Surf]

a child is crying
the sun went to sleep tonight
its death was peaceful
and still we mourn this loss
our aspirations, all our dreams
crushed underfoot

this is a nice (in the complimentative meaning of the word) introduction to the piece; sets the somewhat cynical tone well. some changes i'd advise would be the moving of tonight from the ending of the second line to the start, to give the impression of a run on line from the opener. drop the and from the start of line four, it makes the line drag a bit. the last niggle i have is with 'all our dreams' seems a bit basis. in a verse chocked full of metaphor, to leave this line such is a bit boring; definitley try to improve it.

speech is duality incarnate
a knife, the shoulder of a lover
eyes draw us to places dismal
words haunt us, sleep is lost
buried are the smiles of yesterday
lost in a sea of tears

i really like the parrellels drawn in the second line; nice work. in the forht line, rather than two separate descriptions, i would change it to one longer one, and give it a chance to breathe, give it more than just a mention. and the last lone seems rather trite. try rewording it so it doesn't sound quite so overwrought.

pale form dancing in the peripheral
shadowed orbs, enchanting hazel
threads of ebony, pink and gold
sweetly rounded deception
parting in the name
of lust and lies

i think you need to make the forms from the first line plural; just makes more sense. typo? but other wise, nice verse, not much i can say.

hundreds of nightmares
hundreds of fantasies
only a handful of memories
to hold dear

i think that in order to have the impact you're looking for with this last verse, you need to try and word it differently. right now, its clear what you mean, but its not great to read. if you were to alter the syntax, and play around with some of the word choices, then it would defintiely be a great finish.


overall, this is a huge improvement over your old stuff. you've dealt with themes in a much more mature and interesting manner, and i enjoyed reading it. however, at times you do sail quite close to the cliches, and i would advise following through on some of my suggesttions to prevent that, and make this into an even better piece. :)

[i am the robots]

it's a bit more from the heart than anything I've written in ages, and I actually wrote it for myself rather than the band.

form stays singular.

the end is bland, i agree.

[i am the robots]

sweet

[i am the robots]

ive editted this a bit, dont know if its better or worse, but it goes for the entire length of the song at least.

[october]

The lyrics are very nice, but still so sad...You can send a very nice messege to your auditorium not only by using sad lyrics, but also happy ones. The whole issue is that they have to have a profound meaning. For example http://www.spanishsonglyrics.org/lyric/julio-iglesias/divorcio/%c3%a9chame-a-m%c3%ad-la-culpa.aspx site with Julio Iglesias lyrics...they are sad, but the final message is one of hope and joy. Don't you think?

[i am the robots]

:lol: