Lock out colors

[Fallenvictim]

How can you pretend to indulge in the riches of the poor when your'e nothing more than a man without sight
I touched foot on the nearest sand and found the burning to my feet half as painful as your dreams
Pretending we had seize on some reallity we left for a western coast
But all we found was a hotter sand and longer days
I screamed "Why dream when I only have the control loosely slipping as opposed to the tight grip of being awake!" Then closing my eyes I realized, most lifes better off fake with closed eyes then opened eyes lacking
Eventually wandering back home, I shut so many doors behind me
And so many lights went dim, I'd rather lie and be blind than accept what's in front of me
If I call, Ill call so loud, Id not bother crawl out to see your face but if you come, maybe this once, Ill flicker and lash until the sun burns this worthless sense away


I was feeling bored and creative, any critique is appreciated and well taken

[jurialmunkey]

It needs some cleaning up and some form. It seems to change between wanting to be a long flowing connected piece and to be a bunch of short singular ideas linked together. It sort of just meanders without much reason I guess. It has a nice flowing feel to it but just needs more direction.

[Aus_rock_god]

Doesn't make sence to me dude. It needs better imagry.

By better, I mean, you're trying to use too much.

It's pretty vague, but from what I can gather, it makes me think of trying to escape your troubles by running away, only to find more trouble.