3:00 Pm (?)

[A Spoonful Supreme]

stale sun shines through thin curtains,
a downtown cheap room
for wanderers and blue people.
a quiet day
the children are smiling
the children play
the man
in the room
a wise and learned son of the cycle
sips coffee and stares
out that window
through the stale rays of that sun
to the green grass below
sprinkled in daisies
a bedding for lovers and children
and dreams and youth,
he smiles and knows.
the children throw
balls
cares and worries
adrift and trailing them
like dust on a comet
with marked destination
of destruction
these words aughta be life's introduction

[mutant!]

That's really cool, I like.

*ought to, not aughta.

And... I'm not so sure about green grass. Dust seems to me to fit the mood better. But if that's not what you intended then leave it like that.

Yeah. Can't say much here. I like the flow. I'd be lank interested to hear it set to music.

[wartree]

i didnt like your avatar

[TojesDolan]

the children are smiling
the children play
the man
in the room

the children throw
balls
cares and worries

That line break seemed unnecessary for some reason.

It was decently written, fair enough. Nonetheless I didn't really see where you were trying to get, at all. But mildly good writing I guess.

[A Spoonful Supreme]

mildly good would describe it, no editing, no second thoughts, its what it deserves, prose