Catch the crossfire at dawn

[bowl of oranges]

Catch the crossfire at dawn,
hear the heavy shells fall.
You did always search for that chilling hollow ring,
that would ensue, after battled commenced.

So maybe i can make it out of here,
without a scar to show?
Without those brutal blows.
My luck's always been ever so slow.

But this is my greatest escape,
this is our tumbling fall,
off the crumbling cliff,
by the shore.
The freezing shore.

We are no more.

Michael Watts
11/09/2006

[bowl of oranges]

Will return crits in the same manner they're recieved. :smoke:

[Linsey]

Catch the crossfire at dawn,
hear the heavy shells fall.
You did always search for that chilling hollow ring,
that would ensue, after battled commenced.
i like it.. although i read the third line wrong the first time round - "did you..." instead of "you did".. i thinkg it might work better as a question. it reads better to me like that anyway.

So maybe i can make it out of here,
without a scar to show?
Without those brutal blows.
My luck's always been ever so slow.
the last ruins this bit completely. the first three lines flow pretty well and dont sound forced, but the last is horrible. sorry. perhaps change it to "my luck has always been slow", if you really want it to rhyme, or re-work the whole line.

But this is my greatest escape,
this is our tumbling fall,
off the crumbling cliff,
by the shore.
The freezing shore.

We are no more.

the first line makes me think of steve mcqueen. haha. but the rest of its good! i'd maybe try and think of a different way of saying "this is my greatest escape".

overall
it doesnt really move me - i cant really relate to it, but its pretty good.