The beginnings of another work...

[Minos]

Hey there folks, this is a piece I have, currently a work in progress, as it were. I'd like some thoughts and suggestions on it.

Truth is a consequnce.
------------------------------------------------------
Why is it we only learn when we **** up?
Is there no such thing as common sense?
How can we call ourselves intelligent,
When truth comes as only consequence? (and I know)

All things will surely come together soon
To begin we often have to end.
When she rids herself of the human race
She will get to start it all again

Our world is drowning, can't you tell?
We can't reach heaven by creating our hell.
The sky will catch fire, the oceans will rise
Along with existence, the music will die.
And we'll see the truth as flesh starts to burn
From dust created, and to dust returned.

[cure_for_cancer17]

all i'm saying is i really like this. you're good at ending verses/stanzas.

[pizzapizzapie]

Truth is a consequnce.
Like the title, don't know why. It's good.

Why is it we only learn when we **** up?
Is there no such thing as common sense?
How can we call ourselves intelligent,
When truth comes as only consequence? (and I know)

This verse is nearly perfect BUT the first line kinda ruins it. In my opinion, change it but keep the message. Maybe add "our" or "the" before consequence. Great work!

All things will surely come together soon
To begin we often have to end.
When she rids herself of the human race
She will get to start it all again
The flow's quite strange here. Can't put my finger on it, but it might be the 1st and 2nd line. Try adding/removing words. Otherwise it's really nice! Great rhyming!


Our world is drowning, can't you tell?
We can't reach heaven by creating our hell.
The sky will catch fire, the oceans will rise
Along with existence, the music will die.
And we'll see the truth as flesh starts to burn
From dust created, and to dust returned.
1st line's great. You don't need the "our" in the 2nd one.
It would be nice if you stuck with the rhyme-pattern change. So rhyme on rise or die etc. But, that's a musical issue really. Overall I like this verse(chorus?), "burn", "hell", "flesh" and the dust-2-dust is wonderful imagery!

OVERALL I think this was a great song so far. Imagery's great, word choice's great and your rhyiming is nice! If you can keep up the wonderful imagery/rhyming through out the song, I'd be deeply impressed!

9/10!

[sportsfan4427]

Why is it we only learn when we **** up?
Is there no such thing as common sense?
How can we call ourselves intelligent,
When truth comes as only consequence? (and I know)

this is sorta blunt which i don't really like about it but it's so true that i do sorta like this verse and the rhyming is very nice

Our world is drowning, can't you tell?
We can't reach heaven by creating our hell.
The sky will catch fire, the oceans will rise
Along with existence, the music will die.
And we'll see the truth as flesh starts to burn
From dust created, and to dust returned.

OOO I REALLY LIKE THIS PART GREAT EVERYTHING PRETTY MUCH

Overall this song was GOOD i began sorta ranty but i couldn't consider it just a rant because of that last stanza...so nice job

All things will surely come together soon
To begin we often have to end.
When she rids herself of the human race
She will get to start it all again

this is pretty good again not in a creative sense parsay but more just in a honest sense i guess(hopefully u know what i mean)