Carbon

[Octavius]

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago for my band. It's not completly finished yet, i'm going to add another verse. Let me know what you think cheers

In this life where doubt is rare
We all have something to kill for
These quiet rooms I want to shout in
Hold me back or pin me down

I'm so bored that i could die
I'll Turn my back and fade away
I'm so bored that i could die
I'll Turn my back and fade away

What's the cause of my distress
I'm only carbon so it can't be that
I need a break from breathing in.
And also making simple choices

[sandsoftime]

In this life where doubt is rare
We all have something to kill for
These quiet rooms I want to shout in
Hold me back or pin me down
<Life is full of doubt but the second line is true the third and fourth line sound cool but really have no meaning due to the lack of commitment toward freedom or restriction...decide a theme>

I'm so bored that i could die
I'll Turn my back and fade away
I'm so bored that i could die
I'll Turn my back and fade away
<short and repetative...sort of childish...sounds like a tantrum>

What's the cause of my distress
I'm only carbon so it can't be that
I need a break from breathing in.
And also making simple choices
<second line sounds cool...but it makes no sense maybe you could post an explination...third line is definently the best in the entire song...last line isn't bad...revise, decide,... repost>

[Octavius]

Cheers for the comments man. Just to clear up some of the meanings in the piece:
In this life where doubt is rare
Is describing some peoples attitude towards authority. Some people don't question or doubt authority.

These quiet rooms I want to shout in
Hold me back or pin me down
This is just an urge i have to shout things in quiet places, like in exams or at a funeral. I just really want to shout something stupid really loud, its wierd, it can't be just me who wants to do it! lol

What's the cause of my distress
I'm only carbon so it can't be that
Basically saying that humans are mostly made up of carbon so how can we feel emotions. Does that make sense?

Yeah i really don't like the last line i'm gonna change that.

Cheers for the crit dude :thumb:

[Octavius]

Bump.