i love school

[bamboo_on_wheels]

its been awhile since i've been on here but here my second song.i have no excuse for my grammer i am sorry about that i dont have spell check.

Armed with burning hate and a can of gasoline.light your pages doused with lies.youve etched your mark and now ill have mine. ill squirt to thrill. virgin minds sent to school, sharpened ready to kill!these rules are to keep you in line,its an easy shot when your a sitting target/still(dunno which ones works better).start the day recite your allegence,justification not needed,why think for yourself when you are told wat to do.unconsious support from flesh to steel.dont bite the hand that feeds you.filtered realites fed in monitored doses.classes not only teach but sheilds the biting truth! bury my face in your deceptive promises.watch my brain rot away,wats left to be manufactured,every year graduation brings new replacments for the dead!

chorus
ae you ready for your destined roles,designated life prepared for u.life of enslaved office job or the life atyour grave your better off dead anyway


tear at me till i break but no u wont let me die show me glimpse of hope.but with a gun to my head.watch he clock pound inside my head theres a better way.taking little things i need most.choke me till i feel numb fall for all your bs.releasesd from this hell but this scar still hurt cuz im just on a longer chain.inject the drug so we come for more without your shadow the sun will kill us.education not priority number one.pass these test and see if your ready for societies roles .inside these walls who knows wat true freedom is when we get outwho will then? promises of an office job easy sailin here.it seems all good and true untill your drafted tokill for the red white and blue.

chorus

[bamboo_on_wheels]

wow is the song that bad jeeze no comments not even an insult

[PECOAE]

A little structure would be nice.

As far as I can tell, its a bunch of random letters strung together and only kept apart by periods.

Stanzas, and actual chorus that is two/four/however many more than one lines long.

No offense, just can't read it.

[slack]

Arranging this into stanzas wouldn't do anything but make it ridiculously long.

I don't mind the format, but I think it could be edited somewhat. Keep the essential ideas, cut the rest.

I can't say I'm in love with the overall concept. I think a lot of the ideas, or should I say accusations, are very elementary and one-sided.

[bamboo_on_wheels]

i will go and try to cut this down a bit and give it some structure

[Minos]

This seems more a rant than a song. That's not always a bad thing, most old school punk songs are nothing more than rants...but in this case it is. There is a huge difference between rants about Government actions, and rants about learning...one makes you sound intelligent, the other....well.

Sooo, if you are to challenge the concept of school, you have to make it sound like you have a brain. Provide an example of "classes not only teach but sheild the biting truth". Because personally, I can't think of one. Maybe it was just my school.

Or, give some word play (alliteration, for example)...or better yet, imagery.

All this seems to be is words on a page. With a song that challenges any aspect of society, you want people to listen to it and say afterwards "My God...what are we doing? We must be idiots."

You obviously won't always get that response (rarely, is more like it), but that's what you have to shoot for. Give them a reason to listen...not just hear it, but actually listen. (or in our case, read).

[PECOAE]

I can think of one : Evolution vs. Intelligent Design.

How about nobody caring about the students in a particular school?

At least Pink Floyd's rant had a background.

Roger Waters, David Gilmour, and Syd Barrett's private school was notorious for its beating and hazing of newer and younger students. Also, girls had no way to learn, and what was important to children didn't matter.

Which is another thing; crushing students dreams.

I guess you better put some meaning behind your mindless rants about burning down schools which have done nothing but teach you.

Now, if you can show me an actual example of when you've been mistreated as a student, I shall take this all back.

If not, just take it like a man and write about something you know.

[Minos]

I can think of one : Evolution vs. Intelligent Design.

Neither of which is a definitive truth, so schools shouldn't be chided for shielding either. Nobody knows an answer, it is all theory and personal belief. Most high schools have a World Religions class, if you want to learn "Intelligent Design", take that. Good Lord (pardon the pun), could you imagine what would happen if schools started throwing religion into the mix...chaos. It would only help to breed intolerance.

Point being, if you want to learn about mathematics, english, history, and science (sorry, this includes both the laws of our universe and the theories), you go to school.

If you want to learn religious beliefs, you go to church. Or a synagogue. Or a temple, whatever it is you choose to believe. You cannot expect a school to provide this.

[kidthatplaysguitar91]

Just looking at it, The lines are rediculously long.

[bamboo_on_wheels]

i dont really think its necessary to explain /defend my postion but if you want to know how im being treated as a student ill tell you.a teacher has refused to teach me because i have been in iss saying i will probably end up in jail anyway.i get searched at school for drugs because i look like.i get racist bull**** from my teachers everyother day.and when i come for help who believes some damned teenager.

[PECOAE]

It's not the school's fault.

Instead of looking around at other people to blame, clean up, try to get some better grades.

Maybe this racist bulls**t you speak of is propogated by your own self-pitying "I'll probably end up in jail anyway."

And anyway, your hatred in the song/rant doesn't depict this type of anger, just generic rage at the world.

[bamboo_on_wheels]

you assume i make bad grades and "my self pity" that you wanted some examples do u want to change some of the things that happened so they dont seem like self pity.this rage u speak is probably refering to the buring of schools which is nothing more than a metaphore

[Minos]

i dont really think its necessary to explain /defend my postion but if you want to know how im being treated as a student ill tell you.a teacher has refused to teach me because i have been in iss saying i will probably end up in jail anyway.i get searched at school for drugs because i look like.i get racist bull**** from my teachers everyother day.and when i come for help who believes some damned teenager.

His point is that your lyrics do not even scratch the surface of this story. Basically the ONLY thing they tell us is that you don't like school. It'd be like me saying "Car crash." as opposed to "I was once in a car accident, where we barrel-rolled a Chevy Trailblazer on the I-15 freeway."

[PECOAE]

And generally when a student says "I'll end up in jail anyway," they're grades really can't be phenomenal.

Anyway, you're right. It's none of my business to critique your rant against everything.

I guess its just teenage angst.

[bamboo_on_wheels]

i never claimed to end up in prison it was the teacher that stated that i hope this will end this little stupid argument i posted this song so it could be critiqued not have a debate

[sportsfan4427]

PECOAE i don't think you quite understood his first post thing but anyway this song is a boring rant if you really have all these troubles in school i'd think you'd put a little more creativity in this poem

[some jive turkey]

i think the songs needs some editing.
Too many words for one song. Try to be more selective, and concice,....that's what makes lyrics poetic.

lyrics sound to me like a punk rock tune.

[Pao Ferro]

I'm not entirely sure what the point of the song is. It's just you ranting on about how you hate school and how pointless it is. I have news for you. School isn't pointless. And until it becomes pointless, what you've penned down there isn't even the truth. There's a difference between making a point and having a cry, and I think you're doing the latter.

Also, it just doesn't sound authentic. You insert all these lines about death, violence and war to make the song sound like angst-driven rock, but to me it just doesn't come across as what you're truly feeling.

P.S: Stay in school and make the most out of it. You've got no choice so you might as well approach it with a positive mind and gain as much as you can out of it.

[slack]

Hey guys don't pile on or anything.

[some jive turkey]

school is much better than the "real" world :rolleyes:

[Madmatt]

"choke me till i feel numb fall for all your bs.releasesd from this hell but this scar still hurt cuz im just on a longer chain.inject the drug so we come for more without your shadow the sun will kill us."

why not change "chains" the "rope" and and add all after us
it flows a lil better (i think) and remove fall it not doing anything

and for that whole target/still i would use still fits in with the whole school thing
cause in class you sit still not as a target if it was gun school then target would work :) but over all its like a 8/10

[TheBigMachine]

Neither of which is a definitive truth, so schools shouldn't be chided for shielding either. Nobody knows an answer, it is all theory and personal belief. Most high schools have a World Religions class, if you want to learn "Intelligent Design", take that. Good Lord (pardon the pun), could you imagine what would happen if schools started throwing religion into the mix...chaos. It would only help to breed intolerance.

Point being, if you want to learn about mathematics, english, history, and science (sorry, this includes both the laws of our universe and the theories), you go to school.

If you want to learn religious beliefs, you go to church. Or a synagogue. Or a temple, whatever it is you choose to believe. You cannot expect a school to provide this.

Catholic, Jewish, Muslim and Christian schools do not exist where you come from? Know this, how can learning about religions help to breed intolerance, if by being exposed to the four/three biggest religions(as is done in the Catholic, Jewish and Christian schools[or most/some at least{but I dont know about the muslims}]) and learning about all the perspectives cause people to hate each other? Wouldnt knowing about most of the biggest world relgions help to decrease religious hate? Just my two cents.

[Minos]

Eh, a class that is designed to explain all religions (as is done in World Religion class) will not increase intolerance, for the reason you said, that was what I had in mind.

However, if a school creates a class dedicated to simply one religion...say, Catholicism, other parents would have a **** attack. And, provided the school listened to them, and created classes that dealt with other religions exclusively, what do you think would happen? There would be a select few taking a class on things they don't believe for the sake of learning, but for the most part everyone would group into the religion they believe.

Creating such a harsh line between students does not bode well, even you must agree. Also, parents' reactions would be bad...ever see parents at their kids' sporting events? :S

The Christian, Jewish, etc. schools are made up entirely of people who follow that specific religion (or believe nothing at all, thus really don't care). You don't have the same danger of creating contrast.