Snippets of some of my Unfinished Poem *KTULU*

[TheCallOfKtulu1993]

Spotlight hits the sweat-soaked face
As the man hangs his head in full disgrace
His shadow stumbles away hiding in shame
as the deranged star loses his fame
-----------------------------------------
Blood red eyes scan the black skies
waiting for his one-way ticket to arrive
As King Death swings his scythe down
Two dismemembered sides crumble to the ground
------------------------------------------

Well, that is all for now. I will be back with more soon. Tell me what you think, and use criticism if needed. Thanks


KTULU :chug: :evil:

[Surf]

heroic couplets are so fourteenth century, ask chauncer.

and its hard to critices snippets; you can't comment on flow, deveolpment yada yada yada, so try posting something whole, then i'll give it a full crit

[sportsfan4427]

yea this was good but incomplete so all i can say is good job so far and i'm looking for to seeing what it looks like finished

if you could crit my song The Ginger Birch Chest you'd be my best friend haha