"No More Than A Shadow"

[usuck]

Crit 4 crit.
Just found this song in an old songbook of mine from like 8th grade.


"No More Than A Shadow"

Verse 1:
it feels like my heart has been hollowed out
ripped out and thrown upon the ground
shattered like glass
dripping with blood
and I'm slowly becoming numb

Chorus:
ripped apart
shattered like glass
torn at the seams
losing my dreams
thrown in the mud
covered in blood
and I'm becoming no more than a shadow

Verse 2:
ripped apart
colliding together
these two different sides of my heart
broken and shattered
torn and tattered
will these wounds ever heal?
will this pain ever subside?

Chorus

Verse 3:
it's sunny and hot out
yet I'm cold as ice
I've got nothing left
everything's been torn apart
the only thing that's left of me
is the broken pieces of my heart

Chorus

Verse 4:
you ripped me up
threw me down
tore me apart
shattered my heart
passed me by
I can't even cry
I'm just lying here
wasting away to nothing
I'm becoming no more than a shadow

Chorus 2:
I'm becoming no more than a shadow
appearing by day
disappearing at night
known by no one
ignored by all
trying to hide
the pain that will never subside

Chorus

Chorus 2

[Surf]

I'll make this quick.
so the 8th grade? that's about 13-14 right? well i think it shows. no offence, that was wasn't great. very cliche, worn out and boring. i don't think there was a single line that i hadn't heard before. my advice to you would be to stop writing songs about relationships. it takes immense skill to write with sincerity, and (where required) objectivity about relationships, and more often than not, they turn out pretty bed.
I'm not sure what else to say. sorry if this is pretty harsh, but i'm trying to help you from falling into the same trap as countless others who end writing the same old drivel time after time, and i think the best approach is honesty.
the best advice i can give is to look through the guide at the top of the page, and try editing it, you may get something better from it. good luck

[El_Goodo]

This is like the forth consecutive song I've read the mentions blood, and is overall negative. What's with the unhappy songs people :(.