Falling From

[-:Vincent:-]

Here are the lyrics to one of my bands newest songs called "Falling From". Theres a link where you can listen to it at the bottom.

Once in a quiet room
I find myself heading downhill
Passing by passing moments
With the ceiling falling from my eyes

It seems like every thought I find
The words spill farther from my mind.

It's only fair if I can't play this time
Cause I'm constantly cheating yourself, cheating myself
Stay staticly glued to the floorboards seeping in
Someday we'll all know how to fly again

And I feel like running away, escaping the weight of my own shaking hands
And flying and flying away, from these words I will never understand

Here's the links:
http://www.15megsoffame.com/artist/valor

For this one just click on "view all 5 songs" and it should be on the top.

http://www.myspace.com/valornoise

This one is kind of under construction at the moment and it doesn't have "Falling From" but its got some pics and other songs.

So any feedback/comments is welcome. Thanks :thumb:

[usuck]

I like this song a lot. There aren't a lot of lyrics, but that's okay because what you have works with the music. 8/10.

[-:Vincent:-]

Thanks, there aren't that much lyrics, were thinking about maybe adding something else at the end.

[-:Vincent:-]

:bump:

[Happy_Squirrel]

Okie-dokie, I'm going to crit the lyrics without listening to the music first, then I'll go back and listen to the song.

Once in a quiet room
I find myself heading downhill
Passing by passing moments
With the ceiling falling from my eyes

Hmmm...first two lines don't do anything for me. Too, well...boring. The 3rd & 4th grab my attention. "Passing by passing moments" is an interesting juxtaposition. Normally I would chide someone for using the same word twice in the same sentence and I would pass this off as gimmicky, but not here...it's an interesting thought and I dig it. I don't understand the 4th line, but the imagery is fantastic.

It seems like every thought I find
The words spill farther from my mind.

The first time I read through this (rather quickly) I thought, "Ughh...kind of a lame rhyme." But after rereading I have changed my mind. This is the rare couplet that actually adds something significant without becoming trite due to its abruptness. The rhyme works well with the flow and it's a very original thought (in my opinion). :)

It's only fair if I can't play this time
Cause I'm constantly cheating yourself, cheating myself
Stay staticly glued to the floorboards seeping in
Someday we'll all know how to fly again

I'm neutral to the first line. Second line needs work. I don't think "yourself" works too well here, and I'm not just speaking grammatically. 3rd line is interesting, but I don't like using "staticly" for some reason. In fact, I believe the correct spelling is "Statically", and that flows even more poorly. Personally, I'd just eliminate the entire word. Read that line with that word eliminated and see what I mean. 4th line is cool, but you're getting a bit close to cliche territory (IMO).

And I feel like running away, escaping the weight of my own shaking hands
And flying and flying away, from these words I will never understand

I think these thoughts need some revision. I like the first line except I would replace "shaking hands" with something else entirely. Not sure what, but it just doesn't make sense to me. I don't like the first half of the last line, but the rest after the comma is good and sums it up.

Anyway, I'd give it a 7/10 with potential for more after revision, but what the hell do I know? :p

Later. :smoke:

[Happy_Squirrel]

Listened to the song: I really dig it. Excellent drumming, pretty good vocal melodies, very nice guitar and bass parts. Swank!

[RollerQueen]

Blarck daert.

[Madmatt]

awesome liek the lyrics :)