An Argument in Bloom.

[jurialmunkey]

This snarling wound-up mess begins to creep and I..
Would fly away from this altercation that keeps bruising.
Bewildering; I am not one to have a difference of opinion;
An Argument.

We could clash and tangle; and I..
Fall down upon this exchange.
An argument blooms, and I..

Wish to become entwined with this mass of blood,
Caterpillar will soon become a moth, and we
Shed away all these bodies to find ourselves confused.
Convert the light to a more inhabitable place.
Succumb to the thick tendril's grasp.
We strapped ourselves in for;
An Argument.

[jurialmunkey]

Bah!

[FA]

Okie doke, :wave: munkey.

I liked this piece, although when I read it I felt like I was reading it wrong, really choppy or something, but that's because of the punctuation. It's not a bad thing and if that's how you intended, all the more better for you I suppose. When you say "I would fly away from this; altercation...etc", I almost want to say "I would fly away from this altercation", but being as that semicolon is there, it helps things out. But after the semicolon "altercation, keeps bruising," I get confused, I don't know if it's because it's late, or if there is actually something there to be confused about. Does the altercation keep bruising? Probably :p.

Everything really seems great in this piece, but one last thing.

Thick tendrils grasp that we succumb to,
Strapped ourselves in for;
An Argument.

The that in the first line there throws me off a bit. The sentence seems awkward; also, I noticed in the second line that it is just saying "Strapped ourselves in for", rather than what would make sense to me and saying "WE strapped..." I don't know, the whole structure in this piece is just a bit different, but in a pleasant way. It's late and this critique is worthless, but I tried :p

[jurialmunkey]

I really appreciate it actually. Definately a change for the "We strapped ourselves in.." Just a subtle change that flows nicely. The comma after altercation is more of a rhythm indicator rather than grammma... I should take it out maybe??!

Going in for an edit..! What do you think of the changes? Just minor, but I think they work well for the flow of the piece. Thanks for the crit. :D

[FA]

I think it's much better, good job. It flows better and seems more readable, or something. Either way, I think it looks better, cheers. I especially like the first 2-3 lines.