make those white roses red

[days_of_fire]

I came to you with white roses
You came to me with too many doses
And told me to make those white roses red

When you turned to walk away
I couldn't help but say
I'll make your white roses red

When you came home, I was there
All you could do was stand and stare
Do you want your white roses red

When I was done, I stood and left
You were on the ground with your roses
I made you and your white roses red

-----------------------

Alright, this is only an idea. Something that I came up with and ran with it. It's definately not done. But I just figured that if I needed help, I could trust you guys. A little cliched, yes, but I like it.

The last part dosen't work in the flow because the whole melody changes at the end. No excuse though. It sucks.

[slack]

One per day.

[-:Vincent:-]

It's an interesting song, with some good lines in it. I really like the line "all you could do was stand and stare". The repetition of "white roses" in all the last lines of each stanza was alright because each one wasn't identical to the other. Add some more to it and touch it up and i'm sure it will sound good.

[Violent_Bill]

I do quite like the whole recurring white roses red line and general narrative of this piece but it just has way too many throwaway lines. It seems like you have substituted relevant and interesting lyrics in parts for flow (See virtually every second line in every stanza). I love the idea but it just seems very rashly put to paper if you get me. I do hope you work on this a bit and polish it up as I would really like to see it grow.