What to do and where to go

[days_of_fire]

As I look upon this lake of fire
I wonder 'bout these days so dire
What to do and where to go
I want to see, I want to know

Where do we go from here
When all I know is fear

If I go, will you be there
with your smile and scented hair
When I look into your eyes of jade
I only hope they will never fade

Where do we go from here
when all I know is fear

Will my life just waste away
if I just live day by day
I know there must be more
than just my living room floor

--------------

Well, this is more of a mre melancholy song. I wrote this to match something I did on the guitar. I tneeded lyrics and this is what I came up with. It's not done yet though...

[Speedster1022]

Will my life just waste away
if I just live day by day
I know there must be more
than just my living room floor

Ahhh...it was good then those last 2 lines just threw me :smash: . It flows really well into you get to those last 2 lines. There's a few cliches in there and I can see there is still a little more work need to be done on it. Keep working on it, it's a good start :thumb:

[days_of_fire]

Yeah... I was thinking the same thing. It definately needs some work.

[Daisy_5]

The Rhyming scheme bugs me. Personaly I hate A,B,A,B rhyming schemes because of the way they sound so forced and don't force a mind into any other more complex thought process.

All in all it's not too bad, I just think you need to work on the rhyming scheme.

[-:Vincent:-]

The rhyming can get a bit annoying, but thats alright, at least this piece flows nicely. I'll do a full crit on it later when you finish it.