Digital Revolution

[days_of_fire]

See the man with his machine
Doing things you've never seen
To the world he's just a man
But Through his eyes you see his plan

Revolution! In the skies
Revolution! In their eyes
They see their death
they see demise

With his machine, he is a God
His death is near and far abroad
Now he stands in wars wake
The world is weak and his to take

Revolution! In the skies
Revolution! In their eyes
They see their death
they see demise

Now he rules with iron fists
Breaking wills with shackeled wrists
He's the man who set the world aflame
He and his machine are the ones to blame

------------------

Okay, this is a metal song so I kinda want it to be a bit simple. But any crts welcome.

[-:Vincent:-]

See the man with his machine
Doing things you've never seen
To the world he's just a man
But Through his eyes you see his plan

I really like this, the rhyme is good and not too obvious. The topic is interesting too.

Revolution! In the skies
Revolution! In their eyes
They see their death
they see demise

This is good as a chorus, the rhyme scheme is nice. I wouldn't change anything about this.

With his machine, he is a God
His death is near and far abroad
Now he stands in wars wake
The world is weak and his to take

Another good stanza, but I don't understand the second line or why its there.

Now he rules with iron fists
Breaking wills with shackeled wrists
He's the man who set the world afame
He and his machine are the ones to blame

Only problem here is "iron fists" seems cliche, but since thats one of the only things in the song that is, its ok. Also in the second line I think you mean.."aflame"? But yeah...this was a good song, nice and simple and I can see how it fits the metal genre. Sorry, I would've helped out more but I don't think this one needs much fixing. 8/10

[days_of_fire]

(shhh.... it was meant to be 'aflame')

I'll need to fix that one line you were talking about.
It was supposed to be about how he used his computer to create another world war.

Maybe I'll add another verse to explain...

[-:Vincent:-]

Ohhh, wow i feel pretty stupid now, haha. Computer, thats nice I didn't really get that, but yeah that makes the song better for me to re-read it now.

[Speedster1022]

I really liked this piece, though i never picked up on the computer part :confused: . Reminds me of The Terminator lol

Revolution! In the skies
Revolution! In their eyes
They see their death
they see demise

This was my favorite part of the piece, it flowed really well and fit in great.

With his machine, he is a God
His death is near and far abroad

This one seemed like the rhyme was a little forced in there but it works well. Maybe you can try something a little different to make it flow a little better

Now he rules with iron fists
Breaking wills with shackeled wrists

A little chliched, but it fits in great, i can just see an orange, foggy sky in the background and shackled wrists waving in protest as this man stands on a mountain top.

Overall, good, i enjoyed reading this.