Random Writing

[PiperattheGatesofSyd]

The Eyes in the brain
laugh at these games
that the shadows play
and the hearts are stray
like cats in the rain
with no place to go
i wander this mind
only to know
that what seems true is actually wrong
in a spiral i seem to fall
in a dream i start to crawl
to get away from ideals untaught
to get from the people
who have always sought
to teach me the ideals of god
but for its wrong and i believe in no one
so here i stand a lonely man
with none to accept my thoughts

[guitar_is_life1992]

monkey monkey on the loose monkey monkey with some booze!

[slack]

Sometimes I think this is trying too hard to be weird, like the first couple lines. I also don't think the rhyme of brain/game is all that great, mostly because the lines are kind of short so there's not much distance between them. Meh. More of a personal bitch than anything. Toward the end you get really philosophical and again it just seems like you're trying too hard to write something important, and hell, what's more important to most than God and morals? Take these ideas and tone them done a little bit. Maybe take one at a time and give it room to breathe.

I love the line "and the hearts are stray/like cats in the rain". The rhyme, the idea, and the image it presents are all great. The following line "with no place to go" is slightly redundant because I think most people who can picture cats in the rain are probably going to subconsciously assume that they're homeless. That's what I thought anyway.

Stuff like "in a spiral i seem to fall/in a dream i start to crawl" is not so good because it's really journalesque, and the heavy awl sound is too strong for lines so short, in my opinion anyway.

Pretty good, though. Just try not to be so forthright about philosophical musings. It's kind of tough to do without sounding preachy or disingenuous.

[PiperattheGatesofSyd]

Im sitting on the toilet right now
can't squeeze and lyrics out
but i can squeeze a big turd down
the hole of the toilet scream from the smell
and i think i might be going to hell

[PiperattheGatesofSyd]

Let your mind wander
Catch a glimpse of eternal sunshine
Understand the tender time that passes
And the slow movement of her words

Clear your conscience
Flow with the breeze
Of wisdom and understanding
Connect the islands to form galleries of art

Join our hands
Let energy flow between our hearts
Connect us to our past lives
Watch the picture show flow like waves