You let me know

[LittlePound]

here's my second attemt ever, i still haven't really fixed up my first one very much. Very simple, but let me know what you think


How can I know
If you're the one for me
how can i be so sure
That you're all i'll ever need

I think that I love you
Atleast, i've never felt like this before
But how can i be so sure
That you're meant for me for sure?

I should step out and be a man
but what will happen if i'm wrong?
If it were really so simple
i wouldn't be writing this song

How can i know
If you're the one for me
how can i be so sure
I'm all you'll ever need?

I think that you love me,
Atleast, you never felt this before
But how can i know
That you're meant for me for sure?

The smile on your face
The laughter in your eyes
the love in your touch
shout the truth into the skies


The part that stands out to me that i think i should probably change is the part i bolded. I don't like how the word 'for' is used twice so close to each other. What else could i do to improve it?

edit:also i would like to extend the last part in italics, maybe make that part into the bridge and have it be more like 8 lines instead of 4.

[The_One]

As for the bold part, leave it. It sounds fine and creates a smooth flow because the words are similar.

The part you should be worried about instead is the intro and the second stanza, which is not only extremely cliched but kinda corny too. Think of a better way of portraying your feelings of love than by just stating, "I think I love you." It's been overdone way too much.

Final stanza is somewhat solid. I dig the "Shout the truth into the skies."

Action words are good!

[LittlePound]

gotcha

[sexymuffin]

How can I know
If you're the one for me
how can i be so sure
That you're all i'll ever need

This is cliche and boring. This has been said thousands of times by thousands of people. You'd be better off scrapping this stanza as there isn't much that'll make it sound less corny.


I think that I love you
Atleast, i've never felt like this before
But how can i be so sure
That you're meant for me for sure?

I don't really like the word sure at the end of two consecutive lines. It becomes redundant on top of the overall cliche sound of the poem.

I should step out and be a man
but what will happen if i'm wrong?
If it were really so simple
i wouldn't be writing this song

I really think referencing to writing the poem or song IN the poem or song makes it sound pretty childish. It's something I did with my first writing and what many begginers end up doing. You'll want to stray away from that.

How can i know
If you're the one for me
how can i be so sure
I'm all you'll ever need?

same as the first stanza

I think that you love me,
Atleast, you never felt this before
But how can i know
That you're meant for me for sure?

same as the second stanza

The smile on your face
The laughter in your eyes
the love in your touch
shout the truth into the skies

this stanza is decent, but still very cliche'd. Try to find a way to show love without actually saying love. Find a way to show such a complex emotion with words you've never heard used to describe it.

All in all, for a second attempt it is expected to follow cliche's and such. keep writing though.

4/10