ear on the door

[knowndebaser1]

yea i know its not that great.im not that much of a writer, but i really want to improve. so if you could give some advice that would be appreciated

repeating the day through bloodshot eyes
a non existent product living amongst flaw
tilting my head back amongst the skys
surrendering to that empty place i belong

the days swing by while i lounge in regret
it never stops it never goes away
everything i worked for destroyed iby tennage phase

my heart beats for rent
absorbing the ache ive built around myself
the horrible descisions that i let take place
a whirlpool of clever and unscribled waste

i wear a bag over my head to shut out the world
there eyes tear down my walls
throwing me to the floor to crawl on my knees
i want to discover my importance
i dont want to feel so ashamed
why am i the one to blame

[The_One]

It's not that bad actually. Just take the time to double check capitalization and spelling. Image is everything. No one really wants to take time to critique a piece when the writer himself can't even take the time to make sure spelling and punctuation is correct.

What is "Iby tennage?" The flow in that stanza is choked.

Decent idea, terrible presentation. Edit it then repost.