Last hope

[mudvayne420]

Immobilized
by the pain
keeping me away
from the ones i love.

Paralyzed
Head and mind
despise the ones
who decided
to gang up
and leave me.

Chained up to the wall
Pinned up for all to see

This prison holding me
keeps me locked away
forbidding me to
forgive my will.
The poison inside me
spreads throughout
Preventing dreams
from freeing me.

Help Me!!!
Will you help a soul back home?
Back to understand the beauty within.
Reaching out for a hand to take him in
asking one to light his way, back home.

"No one since has heard my cries.

Been down here far too long
surviving on crumbs
left by the bones
that witnessed my tragedy.
Now,
all the treasures buried deep within my head
have gone to waste."

-Uplifting ones spirit to
evade the firery pits of hell.
Guided Unconsciously
We'll help this lost boy home.

He knows what he must do
beyond the gates
All we can do now
is pray.....-

"Just as i layed my hands against the walls.
An illuminating light
filled the room with purity.
Then a figure approached me
telling me all i need to hear, for now,
But before I could ask why they chose me.
It flew into the distance."

[The_One]

I like the whole

Chained up to the wall
Pinned up for all to see

This prison holding me
keeps me locked away
forbidding me to
forgive my will.
The poison inside me
spreads throughout and multiplys
Preventing dreams
from freeing me.

Prisoned metaphor that you build up on. It's pretty neat basing your feelings on a metaphor of confinement.

What have I done?
was it really that wrong
to sneak a peak behind the scenes
to see what brought this act to life."

This stanza is a bit confusing. It doesn't really seem to belong either.

"Just as i layed my hands against the walls.
An illuminating light
filled the room with purity.
Then a figure approached me
Telling me all i need to hear, for now.
But before I could ask why they chose me
It flew into the distance."

Ambiguous ending. I dig.

[dazmo]

Preventing dreams
from freeing me.
I like that, the antonym, even irony that the only way to be free is in dreams. I like it!

[-:Vincent:-]

Some of the stanzas have akward line breaks, and are really short, but for the song as a whole it looks nice. I think you could use the stanza that starts "this prison holding me..." as a nice chorus, but the song is already long enough as it is. I also agree with "The One" about the stanza "What have I done?..." that it seems out of place. Other than that, good job, its a great song.

[mudvayne420]

I read it over today, and fixed it a bit, but yea that one stanza didn't fit so i just got rid of it.

[-:Vincent:-]

Immobilized
by the pain
keeping me away
from the ones i love.

This is one of those stanza's where the line breaks are weird to me. If this is how you intend to sing it then I guess thats fine, but the "immobilized" is all by itself up there...just seems weird. The stanza itself is a good starter.

Paralyzed
Head and mind
despise the ones
who sent the hurt i can't take anymore.

Although theres more weird line breaks, the first three lines flow nicely to me. For the last one did you mean "who sent the hurt? i can't take anymore" or "who sent the hurt...i can't take anymore" if it is meant as a question then I would consider making that one line into two "who sent the hurt?" and "i can't take anymore" because all the other lines are so small, its just a suggestion.

Chained up to the wall
Pinned up for all to see

These two are ok, I guess good for a connector.

This prison holding me
keeps me locked away
forbidding me to
forgive my will.
The poison inside me
spreads throughout and multiplys
Preventing dreams
from freeing me.

This is probably my favorite stanza, it has no rhyme but it still flows nicely. I like the line "the prison inside me". The only thing that interrupts the flow is the "spread throughout and mutliplys", I'm not sure how you would fix this though without taking out the 'multiplys'.

Help Me!!!
Will you help a soul back home?
Back to understand the beauty within.
Reaching out for a hand to take him in
asking one to light his way, back home.

Another nice stanza, I have no problems with this one.

"Been down here far too long
now i rot
all the treasures buried deep within my head
have gone to waste.
No one since has heard my cries."

Ok, the "now i rot" line really bugs me, just three small words all by themselves. I really like 'all the treasures buried dep within my head" reffering to knowledge, or perhaps memories? But this stanza could use some rearranging, the ideas are good though, don't take any of them out.

Uplifting ones spirit to
evade the firery pits of hell.
Guided Unconsciously
We'll help this lost boy home.

This one seems to be written through a different perspective, I'm not sure if I understand it. Is the 'lost boy' reffering to the author?

He knows what he must do
beyond the gates
All we can do now
is pray.....

Same as the one before it, written in different perspective, It's kind of interesting, but it's also confusing.

"Just as i layed my hands against the walls.
An illuminating light
filled the room with purity.
Then a figure approached me
telling me all i need to hear, for now,
But before I could ask why they chose me.
It flew into the distance."

Strong way to end the song, It is mysterious and leaves the reader in wonder. Good song, I give it a 7/10

[days_of_fire]

Okay, hmmm.... ya know, I really like the feel, flow, and sound (well, the sound of it in MY head, anyway) of this song. Nothing for me to say about it really. Good job.