[Life Lines]

[BassMan182]

opinions welcomed!
---
Oh, I should know better by now, but I don't
I never seem to know how, or when, to stop, when to let this thing roll on

The weather is turning cold on us

On my head be it if I end something good
Something worth it's prices

The weather is turning cold
And my skin is feeling old

And you wanted me to laugh with
I was your shelter from the rain
Don't think I'll ever manage to pay back
The cost of loving you again

So hold on
Hold so close to me now
as we play life lines

And they weave in and out of good times
We've had our share of bad times

If you will, understand all this now

I don't quite understand how the weather dealt this hand

You wanted me to cry with
I was your shoulder from the pain
Don't think I'll ever manage to get back
All those parts of me I gave, again

--

[BassMan182]

...?

[Minus The Flair]

I really should be revising for my maths exam but oh well. Last time I checked, maths wasn't too important. Nope. Anyway, I see you have no crits so I thought I'd give my input. It's not a huge crit, but it's not that deserving of one... yet. It has potential but at the moment it's nothing special. There are some quite good lines, but many lines are too cliche and I've seen them before eg. 'shelter from the rain', 'weather is turning cold' etc. Don't be afraid to write something different. You may also want to use a few more line breaks as it's hard to see when you would pause in some long lines. Also, some bits don't make sense. Anyway, those are my two cents, try some more original writing, use more line breaks, try to make it more readable and show what you can really do.