Days I've Missed

[(H@mm3R-0f-Th3-G0D$)]

been countin my days
for a while now
I know there runnin out
but I ain't sure how

CHORUS:
Been wasting all my precious time
Sitting here, losing my mind
Thinking about all the things
That I don't even know

been around the world
seen all kinds of fools
don't wanna live like them
breaking no rules

CHORUS

my day's been comin
for a long time
I know I deserve it
but these sins ain't mine

CHORUS
my clocks is ticking
as time goes by
im not afraid
not afraid to die

CHORUS
BRIDGE:
the days ive missed
worring about the end
i shouldnt let it all go to my head

i still need a bridge and the chorus needs some work, but heres a little ditty.

[meizmatt]

i like your verses, and i agree your chorus needs work. i dont like to suggest parts to songs where i cant figure out the meaning of the song, and its seems kinda vauge(sp?). maybe add more verses to clarify the meaning, or do it in the bridge or chorus(if you alter the chorus)

[(H@mm3R-0f-Th3-G0D$)]

yea im going to sum it all up in the bridge, but i just wanted a crit on what got so far. thanks for the idea of an extra verse ill put one in tomorrow or something

[meizmatt]

also something to try could be a longer song with a different order than
verse
chorus
verse
chorus
bridge
etc..

maybe spice it up and use the bridge more than once, especially if its your hook...

[sandsoftime]

chorus seems to lack flow and could probably use a few more lines do definently drive the point home
the verses are not bad but could also use more umph...
5/10 cus its only half a song...finish then we'll talk

[(H@mm3R-0f-Th3-G0D$)]

fixed this sh** up

[(H@mm3R-0f-Th3-G0D$)]

any crits please

[Agrim]

been countin my days
for a while now
I know there runnin out
but I ain't sure how
The rhyming could use some work. Now, out, how... very generic words to set a rhyming scheme on. I really enjoy the concept, but to me it just comes off as bland.

CHORUS:
been losing my mind
wasting all my time
thinking bout somethin i dont know
Again, I enjoy the concept very much, but again, it still comes off as bland. Like if someone had a gun to Edgar Allen Poe's head and he had to write something in 10 seconds or less, this is what he'd write. I find switching lines around sometimes makes it flow and sound better. For instance, if I had to change it:
"Been wasting all my precious time
Sitting here, losing my mind
Thinking about all the things
That I don't even know"... Proly not what you're looking for, but you get the point. Spice it up a little bit.


been around the world
seen all kinds of fools
don't wanna live like them
breaking no rulesI still like the concept of the whole thing but the shear blandness of it all really takes away from that.

CHORUS

my day's been comin
for a long time
I know I deserve it
but these sins ain't mine

CHORUS

BRIDGE:
the days ive missed
worring about the end
i shouldnt let it all go to my headI like the bridge, I think it's the best piece of writing in the whole song. Decent rhyming and rhythm.

Like I said, I like the concept. It's a good start with great potential, the basic writing just needs work. Maybe it's just too simple for my taste, but I would suggest trying to spice the whole thing up a bit. Try elaborating on important points and significant messages to the song.

[(H@mm3R-0f-Th3-G0D$)]

hey dude thanks. you mind if i use that for the chorus?

[Agrim]

Not at all! I'm glad I could help.

[-:Vincent:-]

Ok, well this isn't really my style of writing (with words like "ain't" and such). But I think its nicely done, the theme is clear throughout the entire song and you have fixed it up so that it flows well. I think your ready to put it to music...if you havn't already.

[(H@mm3R-0f-Th3-G0D$)]

thanks