Uncertainties...

[Jbdrummin4u]

Second song ever...

Uncertainties

Verse 1
Wanting to turn around,
Head the other way than down,
Just trying to find someway to go,
Someone strong to hold onto now.

Chorus
I’m missing the point of life.
Getting no good feelings,
Having to find my way,
When everyone’s pulling me down.e

Verse 2
I just can’t stand it,
How everyone thinks of life as a joke,
But these people just don’t know!
I want to leave this all behind!

Chorus
I’m missing the point of life.
Getting no good feelings,
Having to find my way,
When everyone’s pulling me down.

Bridge
Life is getting pointless.
No way to turn for safety.
Nobody’s there to pull you up,
When your down!
Seeing my shame in every corner,
Look at all the things that need change.

Chorus
I’m missing the point of life.
Getting no good feelings,
Having to find my way,
When everyone’s pulling me down.

Outro
Missing the point…
Missing the point…
Missing the point... Of Life.

[Crimsonpunk]

The immediate thing that struck me was the, sorry to say, hackneyed theme of the song, this can be a good thing at time, because it allows alot of people to relate to your piece, but it can get old after hearing the umpteenth song with the same subject and similar lines. This may just be a personal thing however, as I don't like mopey songs.

Having said this, the first verse is quite well written, it draws you into the piece. Some of the messages your trying to get across throughout the piece are also good, you just express them a little basicaly.

I suggest a rewrite, but focusing more on using metaphors and such to convey the messages.

Hope I helped, cheers for critting my piece.