My First Post Here...Immature Pop/Punk, "Worst Week Ever"

[ygokazuki]

Verse 1
Failed a test and missed a lesson
Behind the rest and I'm second-guessing
Every step I took, every word I said
Can't think, the blood's rushing to my head

Chorus
This has been the worst week ever
Feels like it'll last forever
This has been the worst week ever
Turn it around, it's now or never

(tense hold for 1 measure w/ drum fill)

Verse 2
The weekend's finally here
It's clear my pain ends here
Unaccounted for, on my desk, a mere
Ton of homework, and a Language paper to prepare

I'm really not happy with the second verse, any constructive criticism would be much appreciated.
Thanks in advance.

EDIT: I'm thinking, after the 2nd chorus, to key change up a whole step and change the chorus words to
Now it's gonna be the best week ever
I can feel it, things are gonna get better
Now it's gonna be the best week ever
...aaaaand, I can't think of a 4th line.

[Dancin' Man]

Wow... the words and idea are both pretty primative but I was totally singing along in my head to an imaginary pop-punk song. As far as writing for top 40 you'd be fine but here we try to write things with a little more depth. It will be nice to have someone with a sense of the song still left in them.

Try thinking about a more contemplative theme and less generic. When you're writing it, try to use the most descriptive and accurate words possible so that no meaning is lost when you need fewer words.

[vocman]

The lyrics on their own aren't that special, but they're a perfect fit for a poppunksong. Like Dancin' Man, I also was singing along in my head. good lyrics for catchy, powerchord-driven poppunk...

4th line suggestion: my mom even bought me a new sweater :p

[drumass04]

As the others said, lyrically poor. From a Top 40/TOTPs point of view, excellent.

It's catchy and simple, just make sure all of the meaning stays in, and don't let it become crude or trite due to simplification.

Timmy

[LittlePound]

4th line suggestion: my mom even bought me a new sweater :p
hahah great suggestion

and like everyone else said. Very catchy and you can almost already imagine the tune to song in your head as you sing. Nice and simple, perfect pop/punk.

[ThePinkPanther]

As has already been said it's very catchy. It's simple and that's what it's supposed to be. It's not fancy, but i don't think you were trying to be.

I suggest making a pop-punk song out of it (as has already been said also).

[(H@mm3R-0f-Th3-G0D$)]

Verse 1
Failed a test and missed a lesson
Behind the rest and I'm second-guessing
Every step I took, every word I said
Can't think, the blood's rushing to my head
very catchy on this line. sounds very blink 182 to me
Chorus
This has been the worst week ever
Feels like it'll last forever
This has been the worst week ever
Turn it around, it's now or never
same as above
(tense hold for 1 measure w/ drum fill)

Verse 2
The weekend's finally here
It's clear my pain ends here
Unaccounted for, on my desk, a mere
Ton of homework, and a Language paper to prepare
same as above. here i would take out language .
I'm really not happy with the second verse, any constructive criticism would be much appreciated.
Thanks in advance.

EDIT: I'm thinking, after the 2nd chorus, to key change up a whole step and change the chorus words to
Now it's gonna be the best week ever
I can feel it, things are gonna get better
Now it's gonna be the best week ever
...aaaaand, I can't think of a 4th line.
i listened to the song before i crit and that last line "my favorite cheese is cheddar" did you put that in as a B.S. line or is it serious?

like i said before, i listened to this before i crit, and im gonna have it stuck in my head for the rest of the day. sounds very blink to me. overalll i liked it, but it isnt lyrical enough for my taste 7/10
dont know if this helped, but not much to change in this song

[masada]

I basically agree with everyone else here. Eh, so I really don't have any advice to offer on the piece. Nice job.

[doubleawesome]

sounds tasty..simple plan meets blink..sweeet