If Now

[KillRight]

*EDITED*

The sky turns black
You turn your back
I didn't deserve an attack
Too late Im gone

If Now Why?
If Now Why...

Go ahead and acuse
I'm the one who got the bruise
I'm not something you can abuse
Here today, gone tomorrow

If Now Why!
If Now Why!
If Now...Why
If Now...Why

(whispered)
I'll go on
All the way to dawn
Too late I'm gone


Alright Thats My Sixth Or Seventh Song Soo Rate How You Will. I just Got A Band In A Small Town Soo We Right About What Goes On But Whatever. Open To Critisism

[Disco Donkey]

Surprisingly, my favorite part of this song is also the simplest part. I really like the repetition of "If now why?" However, the rest of the song just sounds like your typical angst-ridden break-up song. There also becomes a point in a song when asking the reader/listener rhetorical questions gets to be borderline annoying. Keep that in mind during your verses.

Also, the seemingly unnecessary and random use of the word "whore" doesn't do much for the piece. It makes it seem almost immature in nature because there's really no need for it; it doesn't help to move anything along.

Anyways, that's just my two cents. Take it for what you will.

[Dancin' Man]

I'm not really a fan of the language you use. It seems not vernacular but juvenile. These lyrics really make me think of a middle school pop-punk/nu-metal crossover band. Maybe try going back and seeing what you can do with re-wording and cleaning up. The subject matter may be old, but that doesn't mean that you can't still make a good song out of it. Just try putting in some more thought, maybe have a moral or message out of this that the listener/reader can come away with.

[KillRight]

Thanks for your comments I havent been on in a long time

[KillRight]

There edited from the original. Wouldnt even reconize it

[Magnus55]

It reads as a lot of rhyming for rhyming's sake. It's superficial lyrics at best, with no real depth or meaning other than... well being lyrics.

[sportsfan4427]

The sky turns black
You turn your back
I didn't deserve an attack
Too late Im gone

this rhyming isn't too hot, and really there isn't anything to speical about this part but it's not bad


If Now Why?
If Now Why

that's parts cool and seeing how i think this is gonna be said alot in the song it's good

Go ahead and acuse
I'm the one who got the bruise
I'm not something you can abuse
Here today, gone tomorrow

this verse is better than the first one i'm still not liking the rhyming too much but it flows very nicely and i like the idea of this verse WAY better


This is ALRIGHT i could see it being really catchy but the rhyming may is a little overdone

[sportsfan4427]

If you could crit my song call The Wedding Song it'd be great

[sjada]

It seems like some of your lines were just random sentences that you thought sounded cool and rhymed. Try being a bit more specific and making your message what you wanted to say instead of what you are limited too by rhyming. A lot of your rhymes also sounded like you wrote one line, came up with two words that rhyme with it, and added the rest of the line to that. Not trying to be so harsh, but if you want to write something really meaningfull, your going to have to learn to put your ideas out in differant ways.