jazz gurus i beseech you! (critique my tune)

[Naveed Afzal]

Ive been play electric bass for 2 1/2 years... i really want to say ive been playing for 1 year, as thats when i started getting lessons, and before that, i didnt play very much.

This a simple Jazz Fusion song, inspired by Joe Zawinul (my idol), its called Kiss Me Judas, and its played by a 3 piece (Guitar, Bass Drums). I wrote the whole tune myself, this was the first Jazz-esque tune ive written, so please let me know what you think.

I know theres a ton of mistakes in it, and i have no excuses for them.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=336409
Click on
Kiss Me Judas (Live)

[Joseph India]

It doesn't sound very jazzy to me, more like some kids jamming to a chord progression.
I dont know what you want people to say. It sounds like you've been playing for a year (which is the case). Nobody who plays for a year is going to sound good.
You should lose some confidence in what you are doing NOW and be confident about what you COULD DO in the future with a lot of practice. It's WAY too early to be asking people what they think of your music.
Dont worry about what people think of your compositions right now, they are going to be amaturish like everyone else that has been playing for a year.
Good luck and keep at it

[Tarquin1986]

Your guitarist is pretty good, how long is he playing? You're not too bad yourself tho, for 1 year.

[Rowan S]

Im not able to listen to the tune right now, as i blown my sound card up recording something myself. But i think anyone should be allowed to show there stuff ( providing they can play)

Getting peopls opinions on stuff can point ut where your going wrong, and what you need to improve on etc.

[Tillmon]

I know theres a ton of mistakes in it, and i have no excuses for them.

THANK YOU

Everybody always says something like this:
"I know I dropped a beat in the 4th bar of the 3rd chorus, but it's because I was looking at my bass player and I was trying to tell him to play an A instead of an F and then my stick got caught under the ride cymbal"

or

"I kept messing up but it's because I was up really late the night before and so I was really tired while I recorded this."

or

"I jammed my finger earlier that day so that's why it doesn't sound very good."

It's refreshing for someone to finally admit that they're not perfect and made mistakes simply because of their incapabilities. I make mistakes all the time, because I've only been playing the drums for 3 years and I'm not perfect. Miles Davis made mistakes all the time, and I'm sure it wasn't because he was tired or anything, he just f*cked up and that's that.

Congratulations.

[Naveed Afzal]

thanks to everyone, my guitarist is leagues ahead of me, but he says he sees something good in me, which is nice to hear.

Joseph India put me in a bad mood before... and i had a show tonight at a pretty known place called the Shadow Lounge, in Pittsburgh.

But the show put me in a good mood, people gave us a standing O, but i appreciate everyones views, it really makes me think more about what i do and how much more i need to work on.

[moogoogaipan]

man, fuk joseph 0f India.

Don't let pricks mess with you. I've been playing for 7 years (drums) and I'm a trucking along, but their will always be assholes knocking ya down because performance is a really competitive career and being the best is everyone's ultimate goal (apparently).

Just strive to be unique. That's what'll get you places.

[Joseph India]

How does that make me a prick, I said good luck. How is someone going to learn anything if they play some stuff any kid could make up and everyone tells them its good? I was trying to encourage him to work hard instead of feel like he's already good. If someone gets too much encouragement about the stuff they play when they are still beginners then they are far less motivated to work hard to get better.
Naveed, I wasnt trying to put you in a bad mood.

[some jive turkey]

I liked the sound of the tune. The style of it has a good feel to it and the inspiration (Zawinul) is right on. (I'm a total Zawinul fan)

I think what Joseph India meant about "jamming to a chord progression" was that there didn't seem to be much melody happening in it. If those first notes few played by the guitar were supposed to be the head, they sounded like an improvisation.
The melody is important and shouldn't feel like an improv. I'm a drummer, and even at that end of the musical spectrum I still follow and cling to the melody.

I would cut the part at the beginning where there are just chords going by, and instead dive straight into a well constructed melody with all of that, then solos, then melody again. Melody should inspire the solos.

Good tune though, it's worth working on, or just leave it and start writing new, better ones.

[Naveed Afzal]

Joseph India, i totally understood, and i can appreciate it.
jive turkey, yeah ive been tyring to write a head for it, i havent yet, but its fun to play over so we play over it.

I really appreciate everyones imput.

[Rowan S]

Man i love this song!! Its lovely.. At one point sounds like your guitar is fretless:amaze:

Post if you make anymore :thumb:

[Lydisk]

do you have a lead sheet or something of it? i want to try making a melody for it and cant be arsed to transcribe....

[Rowan S]

do you have a lead sheet or something of it? i want to try making a melody for it and cant be arsed to transcribe....

yeah i might do the same with a bassline. I got a new fretless jazz bass, want to put it to good use

[xen0s]

I like it..very lounge-ish hehe :)

Honestly I thought it sounded very rock/punk-ish at the intro cause of the way the guitar strummed it, but later on it got really groovy. I think it would sound a whole lot sweeter with a piano comping in the background, just a suggestion.

Good work man.

[7thdaybass]

i quite like it but for me it just dragged a little and kind of lacked some flare but still a nice tune :)

[zfzgg]

I agree with xen0s, it was very loungy.

I like, it could use some polishing here and there, but it's cool.

Wait, i wasn't listening to the live version.

hmm..

*listens to the live version.*

Hmm...I liked the slower version better. ---The drumming in the live one seemed very...out of place.

[Naveed Afzal]

thank you for the words, any advice on what i should do?