The President

[DeadReligion]

It's angsty I know. It's what happens when I rhyme. This is a terzanelle. A variant of the villanelle form. Enjoy.

The President

I burn your forests down.
I am the politician, holy and right.
I sing songs of environmental health, I am the country clown.

I like a good word fight.
I really enjoy a good war.
I am the politician, holy and right.

I won’t feed the poor,
I’d like to see you do anything about it.
I really enjoy a good war.

I don’t care about social ****.
I support corporations’ hedonistic temptations.
I’d like to see you do anything about it.

I’d like to announce the start of tax inflations.
I’d like to say this is the end of the hybrid dream.
I support corporations’ hedonistic temptations.

I’d like to say this is the end of the solar dream.
I burn your forests down.
I don’t answer to you, my credibility doesn’t need redeem.
I sing songs of environmental health, I am the country clown.

[RNR]

While I like the way you've written it and think that it's quite good, I think you could be a little less blatant. I know Ian Anderson or someone of that calibur would come up with a metaphor of sorts.

[laduke8908]

Nice vocabulary, It feels weird but I cant hear the backing track so if it feels right go with it. RNR is right tho, go for some metaphores, you reach more people with broader ideas, name it something like the Politican or The politican, holy and right. When going for metaphores tho dont be cliche, think as far outside the box as you can, it sounds f***in' badass.

[DeadReligion]

Trust me, I know all about metaphors. I just find it much harder to create them when constricted by rhymes and such. Besides, I don't believe it should always have something hidden in it. The only remotely hidden thing here is the suggestion of narcissism, personified by the excessive use of "I" and "I'd", I usually do metahphoric stuff, but I think as a writer my job is to portray an idea to the reader, so I don't want to dip it into a pool of metaphors, so to speak. Though I usually give it some metaphoric value, and better imagery, it's harder for me when constricted by rhyme schemes, as I just said. Also, I don't think the Politician would fit. Most people would assume it's about all politicians, while I have a specific one in mind. Hmm, maybe I'm wrong. Laduke, my advice to you, is don't think so far outside the box that the reader doesn't understand what you're getting at, then you have failed as a writer/lyricist.

[hedgefudge420]

End of the Hybrid dream? Does that mean hybrid cars?

Anyways It feels weird to me. I think it could be good with work.... I probably dont like it because I dont really care about politics and the like.

[DeadReligion]

You hit the nail on the head, mah man.

[hedgefudge420]

no i think i hit my thumb!

*OUCH! HOLY $#!T that hurt!*

[DeadReligion]

That's too bad. Actually, the only line that I hate is the **** like.

[Schirf]

The line I struggle with is "I'd like to announce the start of tax inflations." While the other lines seem to have real meaning, I don't understand use of this line in an attack on a Republican President (I assume, abet with support, here). The party in power preaches a "lower taxes = more revenue" line while spending enormous amounts on the military. They’re not generally tax rate raisers, so the suggestion that they are may make some believe you're just playing on fears without merit. Instead of "tax inflation" perhaps "deny the debt inflation" or "troop escalation" applies better? Or maybe "start a secret investigation" or "end an investigation" - both of which track well with the current admin.

[ozzfest05]

what the **** are you saying ? go bush , i bet bush could kick your *** in a street fight.

[DeadReligion]

Ozzfest, it's called opinion, freedom of speech. Piss off you wank. And I'd own that geezer.

[ozzfest05]

bush: army training , 6'2, 210pounds, in good shape, has many guns , kills people for a living.

YOU: a ****ing panzy piece of dirt, probably 5'3. 100 pounds of puss {E}

[Littlejohn]

It reads more like a poorly constructed speech than anything. The message isn't horrible, but it is far too blatant. Also, Blink 182 uses cuss words just as a means to rhyme and it usually leaves me with foul taste in my mouth. The "Hybrid Dream" was cool, but once again sounds like a political speech than lyrics, however I am totally digging the parallel that it holds with "Solar Dream". "Country clown" sounds kind of childish, but I know you are into punk, and it would fit well with a Ramones-ish sound.

"I won’t feed the poor, I’d like to see you do anything about it." I don't particularly like these lines either. The first is far too direct and the latter doesn't add anything to the piece as a whole. The "enjoy a good war" bit is nice though. :)

Only one question though, "good word fight"? What does that mean exactly?

[DeadReligion]

A...intense debate. We all know Bush dodged military service. Plus, he's like...65. I like some of my stuff blatant. Sometimes metaphors anger me.