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[FRUGiHOYi]

Is free will but an illusion
A perfect mirage in the desert of our minds
A subconscious awareness of infinite realities
A grain of sand mistaken for gold

Nothing could have been which was not
Nothing shall come to be besides
One possibility within this reality
Defined at the beginning of time

Are we confined to a contrived
Existence, devoid of all choice
Is this our blessing and our curse
Are we imprisoned with no way out

Every pulse of the earth
And every ray of the sun
From the dawn of our world
Have they have shaped our molds

And so we'd be freed from
The embrace of regretful memories
But even innocence has its price
Are we slaves to our fate

In its final day, when the sun is engulfed by the horizon
And the skies are reclaimed by the moon
Under its pale light, Will we choose our own destiny
Or be forever eclipsed by our own shadows

[I AM CANADA]

What were you trying to say when you wrote this song?

[slack]

Maybe it's because I've been listening to Rush a lot lately, but this reminded me of Neil Peart's lyrical style. I'm not saying it's as good, but it definately has some similarities.

I like it. It needs some tidying up, like "Is freewill an illusion" and "(how) they have shaped our molds". I'm not sure about the ending; it would've been nice to see a resolution instead of more questions, but it works well as it is.

Pretty good.

[FRUGiHOYi]

What were you trying to say when you wrote this song?
Basically, it is a theory of mine that since every cause has an effect, if there was a way for you to examine and understand every little thing that happens in the universe, you could predict what its effect would be. I think every little thing has an effect on the future; if something different had happened before you were born, your genetic makeup would be different and you would not be the exact same person (if you had been born at all), for example. So basically, I think it's possible that we don't actually have free will, everything we ever do is a result of things that have happened in the past. Free will seems so real to us because we are subconsciously aware of an infinite number of different realities, where everything is indeed possible.

I was originally going to say straight out that's the way it is, but after I finished writing it, I decided to change all my statements to questions because like I said, it's just a theory. Who knows if I'm right?

Maybe it's because I've been listening to Rush a lot lately, but this reminded me of Neil Peart's lyrical style. I'm not saying it's as good, but it definately has some similarities.

I like it. It needs some tidying up, like "Is freewill an illusion" and "(how) they have shaped our molds". I'm not sure about the ending; it would've been nice to see a resolution instead of more questions, but it works well as it is.

Pretty good.
Maybe it reminds you of Rush cause I talk about free will, like in the song Freewill. But I'm definitely a fan, so maybe Neil rubbed off on me a bit.

Was my grammar wrong when I said "Is free will but an illusion"? I was trying to say "Is free will nothing but an illusion", but I thought I could leave out the nothing and it would still be right. No?

"(how) they have shaped our molds" -- Yeah, I like how that sounds, but I wanted to make it into a question.

[FRUGiHOYi]

So... "Is free will but an illusion?" -- is that correct grammar?

[Magnus55]

"Is free will but an illusion?" I think the "nothing" or "naught" that would go before the "but" is implied in this sentence. I think it's okay; most lyrics/poetry sacrifice complete sentences in order to have more compact lines.

To be honest, at first I didn't really like your piece. There have been a lot of would-be philosophers that have been popping up on the forums lately writing similar pieces and I rolled my eyes and lumped you in with them rather quickly. But after giving your work a second closer read, you do have a lot of skill in your writing and that shows through.

I'm still on the fence wether I like it or not. You have the grammar, the vocabulary, and the imagery in here for a good solid piece.

Here's what it is: I dislike the use of multiple rhetorical questions in poetry/lyrics. I know it serves for dramatic effect, but it's become a very cliche' practice. It may seem like you're being introspective in asking those questions, but they read as open ended distractions that don't really go anywhere. It defeats any sense of accomplishment or closure in the piece if you're just asking questions without any difinitive or definite answers. And I understand that philosophy is about asking questions, but it's also about finding answers to those questions. But maybe that's just me.

Again, good work.

[FRUGiHOYi]

Thanks for the crit. I don't know how to keep from asking those questions. Like I said earlier, they were all going to be statements originally, then I changed them to questions because I didn't want to come off acting like I knew everything, because I don't know if my theory is true or not. So I don't know if there is anything I could say to give some definite answers and give some closure to the piece. Any ideas of what i could do?