The Headlights And A Deafening Silence

[MarshallArtist3203]

The headlights and a deafening silence
as the car tries to screech to a halt
A shattered bottle of whiskey on the floor
and he tries to say it wasn't his fault
"he jumped out of nowhere
i tried to hit the brakes fast
But my brain froze up
and I panicked"
It's too late now
to make excuses
since you cant
take back whats happened

The last thing that went through his mind
was words that hed never say
like holy **** and what the ****
as he tried to steer out of the way
Now hes torn and depressed and looking for a reason
to put himself at his own mercy
and as hes running out of options hes got to hurry
as once again hes growing thirsty...

Regrets, In The Middle Of The Night
Regrets I Took Someones life
Pain what is pain
is it living with guilt
or is it living with shame?
regrets, in the middle of the night

Solo 1

Now hes waking up in a foggy haze
and he can't remember last night
He can't recall any other time than today
maybe this is what hell is really like

Regrets, In The Middle Of The Night
Regrets I Took Someones life
Pain what is pain
is it living with guilt and shame
regrets, in the middle of the night

Bridge
Solo 2
Chorus

The headlights blaring and a blinding stare
As he grabs the steering wheel
What happened after that he doesnt know
if its fake or if it was real

[Mitch2oo6]

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The headlights and a deafening silence
as the car tries to screech to a halt
A shattered bottle of whiskey on the floor
and he tries to say it wasn't his fault
"he jumped out of nowhere
i tried to hit the brakes fast
But my brain froze up
and I panicked"
It's too late now
to make excuses
since you cant
take back whats happened

The first line isnt really a strong opener. I dont know, it did nothing for me. Maybe it's got something to do with the following points:
a)headlights and deafening silences arent related
b)silence cant deafean you. Maybe that's a metaphor, but I havent picked it up.
However. I do like the rest of the stanza, with the rhyme of 'halt/fault', that was good writing. The rest is above average but not mind blowing.

The last thing that went through his mind
was words that hed never say
like holy **** and what the ****
as he tried to steer out of the way
Now hes torn and depressed and looking for a reason
to put himself at his own mercy
and as hes running out of options hes got to hurry
as once again hes growing thirsty...

Grr...I hate profanities in songs, it demonstrates a lack of creativity to my mind. The say/way rhyme is overused, but you managed to make it a new fresh rhyme, which was excellent. Kudos for you there. I love the next bit of your stanza too.

Regrets, In The Middle Of The Night
Regrets I Took Someones life
Pain what is pain
is it living with guilt
or is it living with shame?
regrets, in the middle of the night

Eeeew, the middle of the night is corny. The chorus is good, very catchy, but also very corny.

Solo 1

Now hes waking up in a foggy haze
and he can't remember last night
He can't recall any other time than today
maybe this is what hell is really like

Short verse compared to the to the others. Not to bad, a bit average but thats ok I spose.

Regrets, In The Middle Of The Night
Regrets I Took Someones life
Pain what is pain
is it living with guilt and shame
regrets, in the middle of the night

Bridge
Solo 2
Chorus

The headlights blaring and a blinding stare
As he grabs the steering wheel
What happened after that he doesnt know
if its fake or if it was real

Yes, a brilliant finisher. This might allow you to be forgiven for the swearing up yonder^^. Maybe.

Overall
Overall, it's an above average song, it's not brilliant, and could use some work, but it's got a solid base and message, which is good.
Not bad at all, keep writing.

7/10

[drumass04]

Mitch covered it fairly well, though I think he was slightly generous. But hey...

Just a few things I'll point out.

In the first stanza you introduce a character in a very poor manner.

A shattered bottle of whiskey on the floor
and he tries to say it wasn't his fault

The whiskey bottle is a male? Apparently so, I never knew bottles had genders. Your character seemed to be introduced from no-where, it seems a little clunky and awkward if you ask me. Perhaps change 'and' to 'as', that would make a little more sense.

The last thing that went through his mind
was words that hed never say

Grammatical errors here...'was words', you've gone from singular to plural, not good.

Also, remember apostrophes, the peice is littered with apostrophe errors.

I think the third stanza/chorus type thing, is a little too repetitive. It's also terribley boring, there isn't really anything of interest there. I wouldn't repeat it if I were you, and if you are going to I'd certainly suggest adding a little interest in there, perhaps some interesting imagery etc.

The first two verses of the final stanza are cool...I'd say the final stanza is the best of the lot.


I've only really picked out negative things here, but there are positives as Mitch has pointed out in his critique.

Hope this helps,

Timmy P

[Schirf]

The headlights and a deafening silence
as the car tries to screech to a halt
I know and use the phrase "deafening silence", so it's not a new one for me. Still, I can't believe there is silence in "screech to a halt", so instead of silence I'd try to describe the noise.

A shattered bottle of whiskey on the floor
and he tries to say it wasn't his fault
You know, I think it's clear that you're not calling the whiskey bottle a male. I just don't think the bottle needs to be shattered. Having thrown a few, I can't picture one breaking in a car. "Empty bottle"... that tells the story.

like holy **** and what the ****
Instead of cursing, maybe he's never prayed before? Finding religion in a drunken crisis may have more impact.