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[Comfortably_Numb]

I just started writing recently, and am just curious as to what people think of my writing. Anyways this is just one of the few things I've quickly thrown down.

If I love you,
Will you lend me your hand,
and lead me through the shadows,
and the peril that surrounds me
I need you now,
to change my night to day,
my rags to riches,
to clean up the dismay that is my life,
If I hold you in my arms,
will you take me high,
past the clouds and into time,
please show me the way,
I'm blind,
and will not see,
without you

[slack]

It's pretty decent. The content wasn't terribly interesting or original, but it's not poorly written. And it's refreshing to see a beginner piece without loads of forced end-rhyme.

So, I think you can write well, but the concept was pretty boring. Try to work on that, or at least write about old ideas differently.

[Comfortably_Numb]

actually the meaning of this is pretty hidden. It has nothing to do with love, or anything relating to that really. I wrote it in the mindset that I want to help people around me, and help my situation, and if I don't "make it" with guitar, I'm not sure I'll be able to.


EDIT - But I do agree, it seems kind of bland and unoriginal.

[Comfortably_Numb]

Any further critiquing would be much appreciated.