Take advantage while

[DougJI]

So I had been writing this one song for a poetry contest at my school last night for about 20 minutes, when I gave up, and began reading, then all of a sudden I grabbed a new sheet of paper and pen and came up with this in about 5 minutes. So critiques and how you think it'll do in the contest would be good. Thanks.



Take Advantage While.

I Just can’t believe it,
things might improve.
The emotion tower’s leanin’,
but it’s nothing new.
Feeling like I’m fragile,
I won’t fall apart.
Bipolar razzle-dazzle,
brain by my heart.

I am tardy,
and so are you.
Our love can hardly,
be falling through.
Seems like you might,
be leaving me.
And if that’s right,
then love can’t be.

Only one objection,
What did I do?
No pain and no rejection,
just tell the truth.
Only lies are worthless,
so please tell me.
I require two weeks notice,
so that I may grieve.

You’re the reason,
I feel pain.
Feels so good to
feel again.
Seems like you don’t
want to care
I just want to
be treated fair.

I want to be interested,
so my thoughts won’t roam.
Seems my head’s infested,
please pick up the phone.
Your face won’t be forgotten,
before your thoughts are too.
Relationship is rotten,
I won’t try to woo.

Why’d you leave me
out to dry,
I’ll take advantage
all the while.
All your thoughts should
be regretful how?
Wave your last good
bye for now.

[slack]

I think this would work well as lyrics, but not poetry. There's not a lot of imagery which is kinda what you expect to see in poetry, and the end rhyme makes it seem better suited for music.

[DougJI]

I think this would work well as lyrics, but not poetry. There's not a lot of imagery which is kinda what you expect to see in poetry, and the end rhyme makes it seem better suited for music.

Yeah I tend to do that...