yellow sheet

[shred_like_me]

(intro)

I walked along an empty street and came apon a yellow sheet,
it said to me its dying claims as it appeared I was being framed,

oww, u must been poppin the pills somethin bad
oww, u must be poppin the pills

So I looked at him for an hour or 2, just to see wat he would do,
he looked straight back, without a sound, so I started to pound on the ground

oww, u must be poppin the pills sumpin bad
oww, u must be poppin the pills

Dying dingo and crying wolf, deaf as a bat and a big blue cat,
come little children and listen to my song about a boy name Billy and his magical boy

oww, u must be poppin the pills sunnyboy
oww, u must be poppin the pills

Took him to placed that he never knew, took him to places that he thought were untrue
the sky got dark and the wind got cold, it appeared that he had the Devils mark

oww, u must be poppin the pills sunnyboy
oww, u must be poppin the pills

(hard rock)

just keep poppin, and ull keep droppin
oh u r falling ,but u aint stallin

oww were all just poppin the pills sumpin bad

(solo)

i no this song dont make much sense, cuz i sit at home smokin weed on a fence
u cant expect much from me cuz im 6 ft 5 and 233, yes im 6 ft 5 and 233

cuz were all just poppin sumpin bad sumpin bad were all just poppin the pills

(outro)

[Magnus55]

Yeah, that was terrible. Slightly better than your "dead body in a bag" piece, but still quite terrible.

[(H@mm3R-0f-Th3-G0D$)]

your rhymes are very forced i.e
"I walked along an empty street and came apon a yellow sheet,
it said to me its dying claims as it appeared I was being framed,"
and your chorus sucks

[Nightvision]

I always try and say something positive about every song I critique, or at least be constructive with my crit.

You've not even given me opportunity to do that... I wouldn't want to discourage you from writing, but for god's sake, there are those that are natural writers, and there are those that aren't. Sadly, you don't seem to be a natural writer.
Keep plugging away, but I swear, you need to put at least some effort into your work - this is one of the worst pieces I've seen in here.

[shred_like_me]

its not my fault u r all emo fags:wave:

[anti_manifesto]

That comment is both relevant AND mature. Way to go man.

[Magnus55]

its not my fault u r all emo fags:wave:

And it's not my fault you lack musical talent. Blame God. Blame your parents. Most importantly, blame yourself. Do us all a favor and find another hobby-- clearly you will go nowhere with music.

[Nightvision]

Oh I do hope Subtle or Dfelon got him... :)

A long time ago, I'd have gone in depth on this one, just for the humour value. Sadly, I don't even think there was much to poke fun of with this guy's stuff.

Threadstarter: If you ever come back to this site (and please, think long and hard about that one... and calm down - don't get excited just because i said long and hard), a tip:

Don't post in here again. :)

[(H@mm3R-0f-Th3-G0D$)]

i havent listened to a single emo song in my life and i still think it sucked i listen to led zeppelin,iron maiden ,acdc

[Magnus55]

i havent listened to a single emo song in my life and i still think it sucked i listen to led zeppelin,iron maiden ,acdc

So you haven't ever listened to it... and you think it sucks? Well thats very close minded of you. I've never seen you and I think you're ugly. Fair enough?

[(H@mm3R-0f-Th3-G0D$)]

So you haven't ever listened to it... and you think it sucks? Well thats very close minded of you. I've never seen you and I think you're ugly. Fair enough?

no that this song sucks not emo