PDA

View Full Version : Middle of July, greatly revised, which do you like best?


forever_favored
04-27-2006, 06:34 PM
Middle of July

Hello, did I wake you
From your sleep?
How long did it take you
To realize it was me
On the other line?
How are you?
Yea, I’m doing fine.
And it seems like forever since we last talked
Some days I wish it were summer so that we could go walking
Like we used to do
I see those days vividly
How about you?

Your hair an unknown shade of angelic golden
Your smile reminding me just how great the day’s been
And I know that soon all this will come to a dead end
But today I want to believe that summer just began

The fall is too gloomy
And the winter’s too cold
And springtime’s April showers,
Cause the sun to not glow enough
You look so much better with the light in your eyes
Yea, you look at your best in Middle of July

Sundresses, pink toes
From the night before
The days burn us
But we come back for more
You run and laugh
While I walk behind you
Telling you to wait
You turn around
Can’t slow down
Trying to catch up to yesterday

And your eyes are bluer than the 3:00 sky
And I look at you closely but I never know why
Guess to sear an image of you before we say goodbye
You always turn away knowing that I know you’re crying
I hope you’ll remember me
And not only when you’re lonely


While the fall inches by
And you feel winter’s chill
The springtime and its rain
Streaks your window sill
You’ve always looked better when the sun’s in your eyes
Yea, you look so amazing in the Middle of July

Your hair the color of sunflowers in bloom
And at night you glow brighter than the world’s fullest moon
And not a worry arises when the sun blinds your eyes
And we spend each other’s days making sure we stay alive
And your eyes twinkle brightly as you glance at the sky
And I hold you too closely but you don’t ask me why
And you seem to understand what it means to say goodbye
But just think of fall, winter, and spring turning back to summertime

And we’ll wait through the fall
And let winter melt away
During spring we dream of
All those hot summer days
Your squinting blue eyes is the picture in my mind
I’ll always remember you in the Middle of July….

Mitch2oo6
04-28-2006, 01:47 AM
Both are awesome pieces. This is probably the better though. I didnt crit your original, the last crit there summed it up perfectly. And youve gone and improved it vastly. Incredibly well done.

crazysockmanface
04-28-2006, 09:45 AM
made me want to cry


...in a good way...

forever_favored
04-29-2006, 04:31 PM
thanks a lot, i appreciate it...one of my friends said i should sort of fuse the two of them, what do you think about that?