wild oats

[anniemae]

Wild Oats--LESS WORDY RE-WRITE BELOW
© anniemae 2006
1.)
Daddy was a famous Texas oil baron
Everyone knew of his young rowdy ways.
It took marrying Momma to tame him
But now and then he told us boys about those days
2.)
He advised us to sow our oats before taking a wife
‘Cuz he wasn’t into cheatin’ on his vows, so he said
But in those now and then times he’d get antsy
He might have been older, but said ”I ain’t yet dead”!

Ch)
When one of Daddy’s Wild Oats blew into town
He knew he was kin to us, was asked to settle down
The ranch was huge and together --we all lived and fought.
Even our wives and kids, knew what was what
As far as Wild Oats, how many more were around?
This made us wonder when another blew into town

3.)
Daddy’s granddaughter fell in love with the hired hand
They were about to marry, when Daddy took a stand
He said this was a Wild Oat that hadn’t blown too far
And had always known about him before our life went bizarre
4,)
Then came another from Alaska, another from Timbuktu
Many colors represented, except the color blue.
Daddy changed his will included all the oats that survived
I expect a lot didn’t take root, but by now we counted five.

Ch)
When one of Daddy’s Wild Oats blew into town
He knew he was kin to us, was asked to settle down
The ranch was huge and together-- we all lived and fought.
Even our wives and kids, knew what was what
As far as Wild Oats, how many more were around?
This made us wonder when another blew into town

Bridge
There’s nothing like a big family
Especially if there’s money with so many mouths to feed
Daddy took a lot of pride that his wild oats were not bad weeds
And Momma was happy that her three were home grown seeds

Ch)
When every Wild Oat had blown into town
Each knew he was kin to us, was asked to settle down
The ranch was huge and together --we all lived and fought.
Even our wives and kids, knew what was what
As far as Wild Oats, how many more were around?
We no longer wondered when no more blew into town

[Magnus55]

I really liked this piece. The only problem I see, is that some of your lines are very wordy. I would suggest cutting as many unnecissary suffixes as possible. Poetry is like a steak, you want to cut off as much of the excess so you only have the most important content left. Other than that, good job. :)

[anniemae]

thanks magnus

this is fresh--got the story down--now need critiques!

thanks. I appreciate.

anniemae

[anniemae]

RE-WRITE after magnus

Wild Oats
© anniemae 2006
1.)
Daddy was a famous Texas oil man
Everybody knew his young rowdy ways.
Took marrying Momma to tame him
But he told us boys about his wild days
2.)
He said, ”Sow your oats before taking a wife”
‘Cuz he wasn’t into cheatin’, so he said
But now and then he’d get antsy
He was older but noted, ”I ain’t yet dead”!

Ch)
When one of Daddy’s Wild Oats blew into town
He knew he was kin to us, came to settle down
On the ranch and together --we all lived and fought.
Our wives and kids-- knew what was what
As far as Wild Oats, how many were around?
Made us wonder --when another blew into town

3.)
Daddy’s granddaughter fell for the hired hand
Before they married, Daddy took a stand
He was a Wild Oat that hadn’t blown too far
And had always known. Man that’s bizarre!
4,)
Then another from Alaska, another Timbuktu:
Different colors except the color blue.
Daddy changed his will included all who survived
I bet lots didn’t take root, but I’ve counted five alive

Ch)
When one of Daddy’s Wild Oats blew into town
He knew he was kin to us, came to settle down
On the ranch and together --we all lived and fought.
Our wives and kids-- knew what was what
As far as Wild Oats, how many were around?
Made us wonder --when another blew into town

Bridge
There’s nothing like a big family
Especially with money for many mouths to feed
Daddy took pride his wild oats were not bad weeds
Momma was happy her three were home grown seeds

Ch)
When every Wild Oat had blown into town
Each knew he was kin to us, came to settle down
On the ranch and together --we all lived and fought.
Our wives and kids knew what was what
As far as Wild Oats, how many were around?
We wondered no longer -- no more blew into town