La Nouvelle Fille

[PECOAE]

La Nouvelle, Fille….
Walks into the room very slowly,
She takes a look all around -
And then asks, “Why did you take me.”
I say, “I think this is where you were meant to be.”
So thinking with some hesitation,
She walks to the door very boldly,
She takes a step without withdrawal,
She’s taken her pills, she’s ready for spills,
She’s ready for the fall.

Ready for the fall,
Ready for the fall, ready to cry, ready to die,
She isn’t really ready at all.

They say that it will all be easy,
But she knows that they know it will not.
So she tries anyway, la nouvelle fille.
She gives in to the feelings she’s fought.
Soon enough she is dizzy,
And catching her is all they can do.
So she picks up the pieces she threw.
And finally has people to back her,
Again, she’s ready for the fall.

Ready for the fall,
Ready for the fall, ready to cry, ready to die,
She isn’t really ready at all.

Now after all this, we’ve met.
Found out a way to contend
With the world that has to defend,
We’ve given ourselves in debt
Of each other and our problems will start to mend
To be frank, I don’t know it will work out,
But that’s not the point at all.
Now that we’ve got each other,
La Nouvelle Fille – she’s ready to fall.

Ready for the fall,
Ready for the fall, ready to cry, ready to die,
She isn’t really ready at all.

[PECOAE]

No one?

[PECOAE]

Dammit, nobody?!

[Mitch2oo6]

Sometimes it takes a day or two on here, were a bit slower than the rest of the boards. Anyway. Ill crit it now.

La Nouvelle, Fille….
Walks into the room very slowly,
She takes a look all around -
And then asks, “Why did you take me.”
I say, “I think this is where you were meant to be.”
So thinking with some hesitation,
She walks to the door very boldly,
She takes a step without withdrawal,
She’s taken her pills, she’s ready for spills,
She’s ready for the fall.

What does La Nouvelle, Fille mean? It's good for the song, I can tell it fits, but I just dont know what it means. Anyway. I like this stanza, the message is conveyed well. Written with a simplish vocabulary, and with strong imagery. Nice work here.

Ready for the fall,
Ready for the fall, ready to cry, ready to die,
She isn’t really ready at all.

Good, short sharp chorus. NIce work here to. Although... I think perhaps 'is' could be put before the second line? Just a suggestion.

They say that it will all be easy,
But she knows that they know it will not.
So she tries anyway, la nouvelle fille.
She gives in to the feelings she’s fought.
Soon enough she is dizzy,
And catching her is all they can do.
So she picks up the pieces she threw.
And finally has people to back her,
Again, she’s ready for the fall.

Again, another very well written stanza. Your first line is a good mood line; sets the scene well. Next line is a twist, even if it was predictable. Still, its a good bit of writing. I still dont know what that...french is it, bit means. The next are kind of standard, but the do/threw lines are wicked. I loved em. Very catchy. Nice there.

Ready for the fall,
Ready for the fall, ready to cry, ready to die,
She isn’t really ready at all.

Tis the chorus again.

Now after all this, we’ve met.
Found out a way to contend
With the world that has to defend,
We’ve given ourselves in debt
Of each other and our problems will start to mend
To be frank, I don’t know it will work out,
But that’s not the point at all.
Now that we’ve got each other,
La Nouvelle Fille – she’s ready to fall.

This is a great finishing verse. Not really much to say here.

Ready for the fall,
Ready for the fall, ready to cry, ready to die,
She isn’t really ready at all.

Yeah...


Overall
Overall, its a great bit of writing with a generic structure. However, that doesnt really matter, cause the lyrics are fairly chill. :chug:

Nice work, 9.5/10.

The chorus lost u .5 lol.

[PECOAE]

Thanks!

I did think it was one of my better pieces.

Yeah - I got the slower part. ;).

La Nouvelle Fille means the new girl.

[ironflippy]

La Nouvelle, Fille….
Walks into the room very slowly,
She takes a look all around -
And then asks, “Why did you take me.”
I say, “I think this is where you were meant to be.”
So thinking with some hesitation,
She walks to the door very boldly,
She takes a step without withdrawal,
She’s taken her pills, she’s ready for spills,
She’s ready for the fall.

This creates a nice mood, sets up the song pretty well. My only gripe here is the repetitive use of pronouns.

Ready for the fall,
Ready for the fall, ready to cry, ready to die,
She isn’t really ready at all.

Good until the last line. I, myself, use the word "really" too often as a filler. In your case, it could be taken out without any effect on the song.

They say that it will all be easy,
But she knows that they know it will not.
So she tries anyway, la nouvelle fille.
She gives in to the feelings she’s fought.
Soon enough she is dizzy,
And catching her is all they can do.
So she picks up the pieces she threw.
And finally has people to back her,
Again, she’s ready for the fall.

I like the rhyming here. It feels natural.

Ready for the fall,
Ready for the fall, ready to cry, ready to die,
She isn’t really ready at all.

Now after all this, we’ve met.
Found out a way to contend
With the world that has to defend,
We’ve given ourselves in debt
Of each other and our problems will start to mend
To be frank, I don’t know it will work out,
But that’s not the point at all.
Now that we’ve got each other,
La Nouvelle Fille – she’s ready to fall.

Rhyming doesn't feel as good as it did in the second verse, but it isn't bad.
To be frank, I don’t know it will work out,
That line is weak compared to the rest of the song. I'd try to reword it. The actual meaning of the line works well, though.

Ready for the fall,
Ready for the fall, ready to cry, ready to die,
She isn’t really ready at all.


I liked how you used a simple style of writing, yet it still projected a strong image. Maybe I'm misinterpreting the meaning of the song, but the end didn't seem very conclusive. There was a lot of anticipation with the words "ready to fall" and its variations, but it didn't seem to end up anywhere. Did she take "the fall"? You might have left it ambiguous on purpose, maybe to continue in another song.

8.5/10

[PECOAE]

I did a "Baba O Riley" with this, I took an aspect of a person and transferred into song.

In this case, it was a new girl in school. I guess by the end, if she takes the fall, the "I" character takes it with her, so she isn't alone. But now the "Isn't really ready at all" part comes in, because she feels less ready to fall into obscurity and into "bad stuff" - i.e. drugs, alcohol, cutting, whatever.

Thanks for teh crit!

[PECOAE]

I'm just going to bump this once to see if anyone else wants to crit.

[Mitch2oo6]

No wonder I related to the song! Theres a new girl at my school, and from where she came from shes not very popular. I dumped my girlfriend for her, she is just so awesome, and i dont know why people hate her.

[PECOAE]

Yeah - pretty cool, now run on over to the new song! MUSICIAN's BALL!

[Mitch2oo6]

One at a time thanks.