Drown

[MusicalPariah]

Heres another one...not very good again, tried to be poetic and it didnt work out. please dont say anything about the "I Hope You're Drowning" parts, because I wrote this with music and thats part of the music. Thanks fer lookin.

Cheers :chug:




If silence is golden then you must be stone
You drown us in words we never thought we’d hear
Question authority as if you know the laws by heart

I hope you’re drowning…

Is this a test to see how far I’ll go?
Or am I a drone to help you find your way clear?
I can’t wait to find my way out of this maze…

I hope you’re drowning…

You tore me down and I’ve built myself up again
You crushed me to the ground but I’ve returned
My faithlessness in you has remained true
I hope you’re drowning
I hope you drown

I must have died on this road long ago
The signs are worn and faded, decay everywhere
My heart is beating but the blood stopped pumping

I hope you’re drowning…

The farther I walk the shadow grows
And your eyes penetrate me with that blank stare
Criticism helps you drown your insecurities

I hope you’re drowning

The me you destroyed is back and in pieces
I’m glued back together and here for revenge
My faithlessness in you is still true
I still hope you’re drowning
I hope you drown

[rockbrigade]

theres obviosly structure....but i feel like there isnt a chorus

i like the "i hope your drowning" in between the verses...but then again the song will end up being really long if you stick in chorus;s in between the already pretty cool verses

i used to do this a lot...u have so many great ideas that theres a million verses when really this seemingly negative can be a positive: you have the luxury of picking your favorites and maybe deleting a 2 or 3 verses

a song needs SOME repitition (usaully the chorus) to make it more easily remembered

overall i like it, but i think it needs a rewrite, maybe you could make one of the verses into a chorus???

[MusicalPariah]

the reason I didnt have a repeating chorus in there is because there is a chorus but it changes

Ex:

You tore me down and I’ve built myself up again
You crushed me to the ground but I’ve returned
My faithlessness in you has remained true
I hope you’re drowning
I hope you drown

and

The me you destroyed is back and in pieces
I’m glued back together and here for revenge
My faithlessness in you is still true
I still hope you’re drowning
I hope you drown

I think I could trash one and keep the other as the repeating chorus...

Thanks for the insight

[rockbrigade]

actually now i kinda like your idea

a song like stairway to heaven doesnt have the usual repeat chorus, but its ok because its still obviose which 'verse' has the emphasis that a chorus would

and the ones you picked...i could see them being climatic if the singer/music emphasise them more than the other verses

[jsu]

i don't quite understand the whole point of this song, but what i'm getting is that it would work as a death metal song:confused: ... very poetic, though. i like the idea of mostly just verses, the i hope you drown parts, are they a chorus? overall, you're doin' good.