The Drive

[Colby81]

My first song to write so it might be kinda rough. But please crit.

Turn of the key
Starts the ignition
Your getaway
Transition
Headlights signal lies
The interstate
Painful feelings
A moment you hate

Who was it
That said leave?
Was it you
Or the widow?

Her screams
Echo the night
The star's callings
The final flight
Deception
The sweetest thing you wrote
To that poor girl
That widow

He drove on
By his sighs
Esatblished
From all these lies
Time stands still
But only for a second
The second where
He hits ground

Reapeat: Who was it...
Repeat: Her screams...
Repeat: Who was it...

[Jubella]

Turn of the key
Starts the ignition
Your getaway
Transition
Headlights signal lies
The interstate
Painful feelings
A moment you hate
I like this! Interesting format, with only little words or phrases. It synthesize your ideas and the emotion of the song.

Who was it
That said leave?
Was it you
Or the widow?
not so bad (I'm not too harsh for this is your first song!), sounds a bit too simple and empty compare to the previous verse.

Her screams
Echo the night
The star's callings
The final flight
Deception
The sweetest thing you wrote
To that poor girl
That widow
great beginning, excellent link with the scream, the night, star. It all flows very well. Maybe "deception" seems a bit alone and insipid.

He drove on
By his sighs
Established
From all these lies
Time stands still
But only for a second
The second where
He hits ground
Nothing wrong here, except maybe for the repetition of "second". But this is a bit personal because I usually hate repetitions. Good ending, good writing.

Reapeat: Who was it...
Repeat: Her screams...
Repeat: Who was it...
I like the ending!

well, for a first song, this is very promising! I'm impressed, I did expect something a lot weaker for a debut to tell the truth. You have a good wording, who can only improve as you'll keep writing. Good ideas too. Maybe the thing you can try to improve for your next songs (and I hope there'll be!) is imagery and stylistic device. Anyway, you really have some potential here! Don't waste it. The best advice I can give you is to practice, practice and practice! Good job! ;)

[Colby81]

Thanks man.