The Lie of Control

[Iron_Weed]

Howdily doodily, neighborinos, here's a scary little piece I'm not entirely happy with yet so rip apart at will. I'll try to return any crits given, leave me a link for further reassurance.

Crying just outside my window
Begging me to leave the light
I hear it creep slowly over the ashes
Crawling and slinking its way through the night
Till it stands before me in screaming triumph
Claws of rust and leaking paws
Hold me tight though I fear to move
Its fiery breath chills me to the core

My mind flees in haste
Quite glad to be in flight
As my body quivers and aches
The beast will feed tonight

No more does it beg to me
That joy has now become mine
I cry and plead for some kind of mercy
But stills its grip is tight
It laughs in rabid tongues
Draws me closer to its creaking jaw
The stench of lives long since forgotten
Of sinful men who cry no more

Lost is worldly pain
My pain is that of sight
The beast has left its mark on me
And I shall feed tonight

[Violent_Bill]

Definatly scary, sounds like the kind of song I wouldn't want to listen to in the dark. I quite like it but could probably be written a bit better.