Colors

[sandsoftime]

this song is for to be counted for my song on the 5th not today...wouldn't want to break that one song a day rule but i wont be in until late tomorrow...

Colors

No more is my love pink and red
There symbolism just doesn’t cut it (anymore)
Make it black and blue~
What ever it takes, whatever it takes to satisfy you

Red just doesn’t seem
To flow through my heart
And pink reminds me of
An innocent girl I once knew
But she’s gone
Oh she’s gone
And all that’s left
Is you

No more is my love pink and red
There symbolism just doesn’t cut it (anymore)
Make it black and blue~
What ever it takes, whatever it takes to satisfy you

Black is more like
The lights I see now
And blue gives me hope
Of clearer skies
But storms rage
Oh storms rage
Just let it pass from
My eyes

No more is my love pink and red
There symbolism just doesn’t cut it (anymore)
Make it black and blue~
What ever it takes, whatever it takes to satisfy
You~
What ever it takes
You~
It’s all for you~

crit for crit

[sandsoftime]

hey i'm back early...oh...well i see that you guys don't like my song...just trying to write about a painful relationship...but at least one crit would shut me up...so Bump

[spongebath01]

this song is for to be counted for my song on the 5th not today...wouldn't want to break that one song a day rule but i wont be in until late tomorrow...

Colors

No more is my love pink and red
There symbolism just doesn’t cut it (anymore)
Make it black and blue~
What ever it takes, whatever it takes to satisfy you

Should be their, not there. I like what you're trying to say here. You did a good job of avoiding cliche to an unbearable extent, but when using love and red and heartbreak and black and blue, its unavoidable. MAybee turn my love into my heart, as this is more concrete and love doesn't tend to be pink or red.

Red just doesn’t seem
To flow through my heart
And pink reminds me of
An innocent girl I once knew
But she’s gone
Oh she’s gone
And all that’s left
Is you

This is where the cliche gets heavy. Reword this whole stanza. Maybee turn heart into veins. The rythym is all off for the 4th line and the last two lines just really don't fit.
No more is my love pink and red
There symbolism just doesn’t cut it (anymore)
Make it black and blue~
What ever it takes, whatever it takes to satisfy you

Black is more like
The lights I see now
And blue gives me hope
Of clearer skies
But storms rage
Oh storms rage
Just let it pass from
My eyes

Reword. Ex. Blackness, Blackness, has taken my sight, yet blue gives me hope of clearer skies, but these storms rage... Last 4 lines especially weak.

No more is my love pink and red
There symbolism just doesn’t cut it (anymore)
Make it black and blue~
What ever it takes, whatever it takes to satisfy
You~
What ever it takes
You~
It’s all for you~

crit for crit

Overall, its cool to portray all your feeling with colors, unfortunatly, it is also too cliche. I know how hard it is to maintain individuality when writing about a breakup, but my main advice to you is to expand the vocab you use, and change the style it is written in (basic basic English). Keep at it and be sure to repost.

Zach

[sandsoftime]

thank you....so much...will do

[Violent_Bill]

I think the use of colours went a bit over the top and eventually got tiresome. Good idea though.

[NoOnethatUdLike]

sorry this is gonna be quick cause im late for work....but i really like feeling of the song....i like the way it flows.....nice.....its actually kinda similar to mine, Colors Of A Heartbreak,.....check it out......promise to be more elaborative later......Josh