Any Second

[JeffP1717]

As they watch over us
Do they even see it coming?
Do you?

Don’t ever stop asking around
Look behind, and all falls down
Hid beneath the paper trail
Lies agenda

I don’t think I’ve seen a day quite like today
I don’t think I’ll see another anyway
I hope my letter reaches you
My words are all I’ve got
But if it never reaches you
Remember what I said when I left you

“Sir, it’s time, are you ready to go?”
“No. I’m still young.”
“I know it’s wrong, but I need you to know you were the last one.”

“Is that supposed to make me happy?”
“Don’t look at it that way.”
“Hey, whatever you say.”

[crimson hands]

the first two stanzas are pretty interesting, i like them. The third stanza is a little spoilt by the fact it ends lines with "you" too much. Doesn't really flow too well, plus it's sorta cliche emo (much as I hate calling things that). The ending is cool, is it supposed to be spoken? Overall I'd give the whole thing 7/10. It might make an OK acoustic b side...

[JeffP1717]

Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. The dialogue is sung, and the whole song is just the first of a chain of songs that will complete a story. I have the first six so far, and I'm working hard on getting some more flowing. I'll keep you updated.

[slack]

This is pretty vague. It sounds like paranoid rambling about some sort of government conspiracy, but only 'paper trail' and 'lies agenda' made me think that, so it's a shaky interpretation at best. I don't really care for the dialogue at the end, mainly because it's not clear who's talking.

[Linkinbassist]

The idea of dialogue needs to demonstrated through the music, but i like this idea. I'm guessing its about a forced draft? At least thats what i inferred from the words. That third verse give a personal touch that i look for in a song, its hwta lets the lyrics connect to the listener. i also like the inferences to modern events, very good. I find that hard to do without making it seem silly and sounding obvious. good job though, I look forward to seeing the rest of these 'stories' you plan to write about...

[JeffP1717]

Believe it or not, vague is actually what I was going for. Being the first installment, I didn't want to give away too much, but I did want to give the listener/reader something to think about the overall meaning behind it. Linkinbassist, thanks for the kind words, I'm glad you like it. I feel that the music really makes the song, however, so once I get that ball rolling as far as recording goes, then I'll let you know. Thanks for reading!