Please crit my rewrite

[morgan_dorffer]

Verse 1
The open road
Just you and me
I don't know where this leads
But we'll find out

Pre-Chorus
All this time
I never thought I'd find someone like you
I believe
We're gonna make it through

Chorus
It's just a bump in the road
Something to look back on
You're not on your own
I'll be by your side
Don't you know
I'd go anywhere with you

Pre-Chorus

Chorus

Verse 2
You're not like them
It's not your fault
It'll take much more
To tear us apart

Verse 3
Parents preach
I can't speak back
The last choice
Belongs to us

Pre-Chorus
All this time
I never thought I'd feel the way I do
I believe
We're gonna make it through

Chorus

Music Interlude

Verse 4
End of the road
I still can't see
It scares me but
I feel safe when you're with me

Chorus x2 (second time soft)

I'd go anywhere with you

FIN




please crit my rewrite
ang

[StandardStringReject]

ello morgan person. yeah, this is alot better. i like it, and u did make it flow alot smoother. but to me, it seems like u repeat a couple of things too much. but im weird like that- u need more than my nooby lil oppinion.
and the way its written, makes it sound kinda short, like... each lil clump of lines is just short looking, but u can fix that with music so i dunno, good job tho :)

[deathbyjello]

The lyrics seem really short for every line.

[morgan_dorffer]

ello morgan person. yeah, this is alot better. i like it, and u did make it flow alot smoother. but to me, it seems like u repeat a couple of things too much. but im weird like that- u need more than my nooby lil oppinion.
and the way its written, makes it sound kinda short, like... each lil clump of lines is just short looking, but u can fix that with music so i dunno, good job tho :)


the first three verses are sung moderately slow and to an appreggio. the last verse is to chords but still moderately slow. it's the longest one i've ever written.