The drummer jokes.

[Kainen]

Ok well for some reason I thought about how i've heard and read jokes about drummers. One in particular referred to turning the magazine over to fine "the answer" and in small print upside down on the page it read something to the affect of "if your reading this your probably a drummer."


does anyone have any drum related jokes to share?

[GhostNote]

Some that i have heard in my travels:

Q: "How does a saxophonist park in a disabled parking spot?
A: "Puts drumsticks on the dashboard"

Q: "What did the bassist do when he locked his keys in his car?"
A: "He had to break the window to get the drummer out"

Q: "What's the difference between a catfish and a drummer?"
A: "One's a scum-sucking bottom dweller, and the other's a fish..."

Q: "How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?"
A: "Five. One to change it, and the other four to stand around and talk about how much better Vinnie Colaiuta would have done it."

Q: "How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?"
A: "Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm."

Q: "Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?"
A: "It will keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend"

Q: "Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?"
A: "So they don't have to retrain the drummers."


-GN

[Ellx]

Q. What did the store owner say when the drummer asked for a snare stand?

A. Told him it is a fish and ship shop.

[Vannaroth]

Q. What do Ginger Baker and black coffee have in common?
A. They both suck without Cream.


Q. How can you tell a drummer's on the doorstep?
A. The knocking speeds up, and he doesn't know when to come in.


Q.Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
A.Me either.


Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A. A drummer.

[Az_Holl]

Q.How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, they've got a pedal to do it for them.

[ringworm]

How do trumpet players park in the handicap spots?

They put drumsticks on the dash.

[drummingducktape]

~10 Reasons to Date a Drummer~
1. Their coordination is incredible.
2. They can keep any tempo you want.
3. No matter what speed they go, they can make it good.
4. No matter how tired they are, they always finish the job.
5. They can follow the lead, or take it.
6. They love to bang.
7. No objections to performing in front of an audience.
8. They know how to handle their sticks.
9. They know the best spots to hit.
10. By the time they're done, you'll be cheering for more.

haha yea the best. i even sent it to my ex about a month or 2 ago

[pitchfork]

Q. What do Ginger Baker and black coffee have in common?
A. They both suck without Cream.


Black coffee isn't meant to have cream :p

[Josiah]

~10 Reasons to Date a Drummer~
1. Their coordination is incredible.
2. They can keep any tempo you want.
3. No matter what speed they go, they can make it good.
4. No matter how tired they are, they always finish the job.
5. They can follow the lead, or take it.
6. They love to bang.
7. No objections to performing in front of an audience.
8. They know how to handle their sticks.
9. They know the best spots to hit.
10. By the time they're done, you'll be cheering for more.




I have an official agreement on this list from my girl...

[drummingducktape]

I have an official agreement on this list from my girl...
hahaha

[alexmonty12]

uhhhh There's this guy who dies and goes to hell and in hell he meets the Devil and the Devil tells him that depending on how clever he is, depends on where he will stay for all eternity. So he gets in this evelvator with the Devil and they start going down.
The first door reads 120. The Devil opens the door and inside are people talking about what shares they invested in during their life. The man declined.
The next door read 100. Inside are people talking about What jobs they had in life and what they entailed. The man, once again, declined.
The Devil decided to go down a bit further and reached a door with 60 on the front. Inside were lots of people talkign about what cars they owned in life. The man, once again, declined.
The Devil, getting rather fed up takes him all the way down to a door reading 25. The Devil opens the door and throws the man in. Inside is one rather tired looking man who notices the newcomers presence, runs up to him and exclaims, "WHAT STICK SIZE DO YOU USE?!?!?!"

[ThatOneDrummer]

what do u call a drummer with half a brain? gifted
why do drummers have a half ounce more brains than horses? so they dont embarrass themselves during a parade
what did the drummer get on his iq test? drool
how can you tell if a drummer is walking behind you? u can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground
A guy wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, "Okay, but you will have to have 1/3 of your brain removed." So the guy went into surgery. When he woke up, the doctor said, "I'm terribly sorry, but we made a mistake and accidentally removed 3/4's of your brain!" The guy said, "Uh, that's okay. Got some sticks?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two drummers walk into a bar, which is actually kind of funny, because you would think that the second guy would have seen the first one do it.
So this guy goes into a store walks up to the counter and says "I'd like a Mashall HiWatt 360 watt ampflicator and a fender Geetar with the fried rose tremolo-
The guy stops him right there and says "You're a drummer, aren't you?"

"Uh, yeah. You did you know?"

"This is a travel agency."
sorry about the colored text i was too lazy to type these myself so i did copy and paste from another website:thumb:

[Kainen]

Q. How can you tell a drummer's on the doorstep?
A. The knocking speeds up, and he doesn't know when to come in.


.


ahahah.

good stuff!

[White]

wow, I have heard alot fo new jokes on here haha.

[Massik Kretal]

i liked the baker one even tho someone kinda ruined it lol

[Kainen]

Q. What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
A. Homeless.

[Loyton]

/heard em all.

[CombatWombat3]

Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a medium pizza?
A. The pizza can feed a family of four

Q. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. 6, One to change it and 5 to say Peart could have done it better

How do you know if a stage is level?
The drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

[CombatWombat3]

OH.....my favorite (noone gets this one)

So three cows fall out of an airplane. Two hit ground, one hits water. Buh-Duh-Cshhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Drum Monkey]

OH.....my favorite (noone gets this one)

So three cows fall out of an airplane. Two hit ground, one hits water. Buh-Duh-Cshhhhhhhhhhhhh
How does no one get that?

bwahahaha :lol:

uh... don't know any jokes other than the ones posted :smash:

-DM

[SkaRabbit]

a dyslexic drummer walks into a bra?

[Narrr]

a drummer decides to kill him self (no question why ;) ) so he walks on top of a high building an there he meets the bassist of his band. The drummer asks him if he wants to commit suicide too, the bassist seems to be very happy: "great, it's the first time when we do something at the same time!!!"
they jump...
Boom Boom
^^

[Elmo McCheese]

Somewhat of a drum joke:

What has nine arms and sucks?

Def Leppard

[fishbulb]

So a music shop sells musician's brains. Guitar brains for 5 bucks a pound, bass for 8, violin for 3, and drummers for 150. "So why are drummer's brains so expensive?" (i kind of forgot the punchline but it's something like this) "Intelligent drummers are hard to come by."

That came out really lame.

[ThatOneDrummer]

^^^ i think its beacause the drummer brains havent been used...that was the punchline the last time i heard that joke...:lol:

[fishbulb]

It's something like that. I heard it a year ago.

[Cheungman]

a guy walks into a drumset, ba dum chee

[pitchfork]

i liked the baker one even tho someone kinda ruined it lol
Sorry about that :p

[pitchfork]

So a music shop sells musician's brains. Guitar brains for 5 bucks a pound, bass for 8, violin for 3, and drummers for 150. "So why are drummer's brains so expensive?" (i kind of forgot the punchline but it's something like this) "Intelligent drummers are hard to come by."

That came out really lame.

I heard "do you know how many drumers we have to open up to get a pound of drummer brains"

[GhostNote]

How do trumpet players park in the handicap spots?

They put drumsticks on the dash.


^^^^^ That's cheap, i put that in my first post. U changed one word:rolleyes: . Asshat


-GN

[Drum Phil]

Q.Whats got 3 legs and a **** on top?

A. A Drum throne

Q.How do you know a drummers out of time?

A.His sticks are moving

Q.What's the difference between a singer & a drummer?

A. A drummer can annoy you without moving his lips.


Q. Whats the difference between a bass player and a battery?

A. A battery has a positive side

Q.Whats the difference between channel 4 and drummers?

A. channel 4 has friends.

When Buddy died his wife was at home mourning and the lead trumpet player calls and goes "Hi miss Rich, is Buddy there?" She goes "Buddy is dead" He says bye and hangs up. Half an hour later he calls up "Hi miss Rich, is Buddy there?" She says "Buddy is dead" and he hangs up. 5 minutes later he calls up and they have the same conversation. He calls a minute later and goes "Hi miss Rich, can I please speak to Buddy?" she yells "Didn't you hear me the first five times I told you BUDDY IS DEAD!" He responds "I heard you, I just like hearing you say that."

So a drummer is sick and tired of being ridiculed for not plaing a real instrument and being a talentless idiot, so he decides to go buy a real instrument. He walks into the store, looks around for a while, and then says to the shopkeeper:

"I'll take that red trumpet on the wall and that accordian on the floor."

The shopkeeper looks at him for a minute, and then says:"You're a drummer aren't you?"

The drummer goes, "How'd you guess?"

The shopkeeper says, "Well, you can have the fire extinguisher, but I need the radiator."

Q: How do you get two drummers to stay on beat?
A: Shoot one of them.

Q: Whats brown and sticky?

A: Elton johns wang

[Kainen]

Q: Whats brown and sticky?

A: Elton johns wang


ahahaha.. ahahahaha.

[Drummer Freak 911]

Q: What's the best way to confuse a drummer?

A: Put a sheet of music in front of him.

Budum chee!!

even tho i can read sheet music....

[Bonham#1!]

Did You hear about the drummers girlfriend.

Me either.

[Corkofski]

Q.Whats the difference between channel 4 and drummers?

A. channel 4 has friends.

not any more... thank god

[Drum Phil]

They do. Just not new ones

[Talos]

All the jokes said can be used for any musician, I read them all on poole percussion and they were all about bassists :lol:

[pitchfork]

Bassists?
Should be about guitarists, most bassists and drummers have more talent.

[Drum Phil]

Q: What do you do if you see a drowning guitarist?

A: Throw his amp at him.

Q: How do you stop a guitarist drowning?

A: Take your foot off his head

[Talos]

Yeah but everybody thinks bassists are stupid. From my experience, most of the time its tr00 :lol:

[Kosmos Tree]

"Mommy, when i grow up i want to become a drummer"

"Oh honey, you can't do both"



joke or reality? :confused: :D

[SkaRabbit]

I like it!

[oliv_da_skinmasher]

Reality man but who cares

[rage f*****g rule]

what's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
you only need to punch the rhythm into the drum machine once...

[Ming-a-Ling]

Q: How do you call a drummer?
A: You can't. They don't pay their phone bill.

Q: How can you get a drummer off your porch?
A: Pay for the pizza!

Q: What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
A: Drool.

Q: How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
A: You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.

[styler]

some of these are great. lol

[drummingducktape]

some of these are great. lol
some isthe key word

[pitchfork]

Yeah but everybody thinks bassists are stupid. From my experience, most of the time its tr00 :lol:

Root noters maybe, but you would hardly call victor wooten stupid.
Same with any instrument, guitarists and bassists more so that drummers though. If you play simple things or root notes all the time you are considered a crap player.

[rohbit]

Q: "How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?"
A: "Five. One to change it, and the other four to stand around and talk about how much better Vinnie Colaiuta would have done it."

This is the best one IMO.

[styler]

i liked the one with the trumpet player parking in a disabled parking stall. great stuff.

[Drum Phil]

Q: What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
A: Drool.

WinnAr

[Trev]

Half of these are just rebranded blonde jokes :p

[styler]

drummers are the closest thing to blondes.

next to politicians anyway.

[Massik Kretal]

And blonde drumming politicians.....oh man...thats bad.

[Drum Phil]

Im a blonde drummer. Im ****ed arent i?

[styler]

****ed almost daily right phil? with the new girlfriend anyway.

[Drum Phil]

hehe hush you. Im gonna be so deaf on sunday. Less than jake + Bullets to broadway + Support on friday then the Levellers + supports on saturday

[fishbulb]

I heard "do you know how many drumers we have to open up to get a pound of drummer brains"

Yeah, it was that amount of money for a pound of brains. Then something like what yousaid.

[Siamese Dreams]

OH.....my favorite (noone gets this one)

So three cows fall out of an airplane. Two hit ground, one hits water. Buh-Duh-Cshhhhhhhhhhhhh

I don't get it.

[Britton]

How do you get a drummer off your porch? pay him for the damn pizza

[Drum Phil]

How do you get a drummer off your porch? pay him for the damn pizza

Q: How can you get a drummer off your porch?
A: Pay for the pizza!


:rolleyes:

[crazyguy832]

Im a blonde drummer. Im ****ed arent i?
WOHAMG ME TOO!

:amaze:

[Drum Phil]

Im not natural, which makes it worse

[crazyguy832]

:lol:

I naturally have VERY bright blonde. I'm more subdued now than when I was younger... more of a dirty blonde now, but still blonde.

^_^

[drummingducktape]

OH.....my favorite (noone gets this one)

So three cows fall out of an airplane. Two hit ground, one hits water. Buh-Duh-Cshhhhhhhhhhhhh
holy ****. i get it. i really get it. haha i read it like 34 times.

[rohbit]

holy ****. i get it. i really get it. haha i read it like 34 times.

*condescending pat on the head*:smash:

[BigTrav415]

I vote this thread a 5 :lol:

Oh wait this isn't SA... oh well.

One I am ripping off Guitar Hero:
Never let your drummer have an "extended solo" unless you reeeeally have to go to the bathroom.

One I am making up right now:
Why should you never let your drummer handle the band finances?

You'll wake up with 16 gongs and a second mortgage.

/lame

EDIT: Still a satisfactory 2,500th post :D :chug: :smoke:

[samsamthegiantman]

holy ****. i get it. i really get it. haha i read it like 34 times.

Haha, I had to say that out loud to get it.

[drummingducktape]

Haha, I had to say that out loud to get it.
yea thats what it finally took

[We_Love_Lime]

yea thats what it finally took

Blah. I don't get it Heh.

[samsamthegiantman]

Blah. I don't get it Heh.

Think of what people do with the drums after people make the joke.

Now, think of the sounds of hitting the ground and water.

[We_Love_Lime]

Think of what people do with the drums after people make the joke.

Now, think of the sounds of hitting the ground and water.

Oh Duh.
Clever. Thanks.

[Berk]

Me neither.

[Siamese Dreams]

OH.....my favorite (noone gets this one)

So three cows fall out of an airplane. Two hit ground, one hits water. Buh-Duh-Cshhhhhhhhhhhhh


OOOOOHHHHH!!!!! Buahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

That's great!!!

[Berk]

Nock Nock:
Who's there?
an LP jam block.

[We_Love_Lime]

Nock Nock:
Who's there?
an LP jam block.

hahahahahahahhahhahhahhahah. I found that ammusing.

[Berk]

So did I.

[Massik Kretal]

:lol: Me too.

[Berk]

I forget where I got that.

[PremierManiac]

What has nine arms and sucks?

Def Leppard
I'd like to see you drum with one arm. It is a good joke though.

[LoneStarDrummer]

so a drummer with 4 drumsticks and a cymbal...no wait it's 3 drumsticks and a felt pad go walk into a bathroom...no wait a funeral...ahaha yeah that's it a funeral, and the drummer says.....no wait it was a drum throne he was carrying...and then he says "hey man what the deal with..."....no wait it was the dead guys mom who went to the funeral and....

wait let me start over....

so 17 drummers, his felt pad, bass drum, throne, and floor tom all go with him to a party..........ah screw it, i can't remember how it goes.

[Sabian4015]

:lol:
I hope that was a joke not you acually forgetting how the joke goes.

[LoneStarDrummer]

the only thing that's a joke around here is you and your mom.

jk

i don't know what compelled me to say that. but yeah it was a joke

[drummingducktape]

:lol:
I hope that was a joke not you acually forgetting how the joke goes.
are you kidding. of corse that was a joke

[drummingducktape]

i dont get the light bulb ones

[Drum Phil]

2 Drummers walk into a bar, well i say 2, could have been 10 or 15. So 10 or 15, well i say 15 it could have been a couple of hundred. Ok ok every drummer in england, NO! Every drummer in europe..... **** it. Every drummer in the world goes into a bar. First one goes up to the bar an says "i'll get these"

What an idiot.

[GhostNote]

This is the best one IMO.

Why thankyou!


-GN

[Perroquet Magique]

One day a drummer is taking a walk through the countryside.

He's walking along beside a field of sheep, and sees the farmer with his sheepdog.
"Hey" says the drummer, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I keep one?"
The farmer sees this as impossible so he agrees to this proposition.
"I think you have 262 sheep" says the drummer.
The farmer is shocked as this is exactly right, he sticks with the deal:
"Wow that's amazing, ok sure, pick any sheep you want."

The drummer picks up the animal and begins to walk away,
"Hey wait a minute!" says the farmer, "If I can guess your occupation, can I have my sheep back?"
The drummer sees this as impossible so he agrees.
"You're a drummer aren't you!" says the farmer.
"Wow that's amazing!" says the drummer, "How did you know, do you recognise me?"
"Well not exactly" says the farmer, "But put the dog down and we'll talk about it."

[styler]

i think thats more of a blonde joke replaced with the word drummer.