G_Mac07
03-24-2006, 05:24 AM
Krazy Kripples - Season 7, Episode 2
Jimmy gets annoyed at the boys, because they blow off one of his comedy shows to go and see Christopher Reeve, who is promoting Stem Cell Research. Jimmy thinks he is entitled to the attention, because he has always been crippled, unlike Reeves. This leads to his starting a club with Timmy, called “The Crips”, but they end up joining with gang in Denver because they have the same name. They then become fully fledged gangsters, whilst the other boys try not to get involved with anything.
Jimmy: So can we join your g-group?
Crip: Aright, you wanna thug with the 5-point Crips: bitches, all you gotta do is pop some punk-*** Bloods.
Jimmy: Well sure, Tim and I would love to pop some punk-*** Bloods; we're terrific at it.
Timmy: T-Timmy?
Jimmy: Look, my gang...which i can't talk about because it's super secret is the most important thing to me now, and if you two don't like it, you can just pass the blunt to the nigga on your left
How To Eat With Your Butt - Season 5, Episode 10
Kenny puts is parker on backwards for school photos, and gets a picture taken of his butt. When they get the pictures back, Cartman thinks it’s hilarious, and comes up with the idea of getting it put on a milk carton as a missing child. It happens, and after going out, a couple who suffer from a condition that means they have their butt where their face should, think that it is their long lost child. Cartman feels remorse, but claims that he has blown a funny fuse.
Butters' Mom: Butters can't come out and play, boys. He thinks it's funny to look like a jackass in his school pictures that I have to pay for!
Butters: Huh, but I told you mom. I didn't mean to look like a jackass. It just happened.
Mr. Mackey: [to Cartman] But you know, if you have completely lost your sense of humor, you can always become a writer for the show, Friends. [laughs]
Christian Hard Rock - Season 7, Episode 9
The boys start a rock band called Moop, but they don’t know what they want to play. Cartman says they should be a Christian Rock band, so they can easily get a platinum album. He then gets kicked out of the band, and bets Kyle he can get a platinum album before Kyle can. Cartman starts a band with Token and Butters, whilst the other boys download music for inspiration. The FBI puts a stop to this, and shows the boys just how much downloading affects musicians, which in turn leads to the boys striking against the downloading of music. Cartman’s band, Faith + 1, becomes very popular.
Cartman: All right, Token, give me a smooth bass line.
Token: I don't know how to play bass.
Cartman: Token, how many times do we have to go through this? You're black. You can play bass.
Token: I'm gettin' sick of your stereotypes!
Cartman: Be as sick as you want, just give me a God damned bass line!
(Token starts to play well, to his astonishment)
Token: God dammit!
Cartman: Walk out that door, Token, and you'll regret it the rest of your life! Christians have a built-in audience of over 180 million Americans! If each one of them buys just one of our albums at $12.95 that would be - (points to Butters)
Butters: $2, 331, 000, 000.
Cartman: Still want to leave, Token?
Awesom-O - Season 8, Episode 5
Cartman plays a prank on Butters, where he pretends to be a new robot from Japan. He gets all kind of information to rip on Butters with, but just before he is about to blow his cover, he discovers that Butters has a tape of him pretending to be Britney Spears. This means Cartman has to keep pretending to be a robot, so that he can steal the tape back. Butters uses him for everything, including thinking up movie ideas for executives. The army then gets involved, and wants to destroy the robot. Cartman ends up getting owned.
AWESOM-O: Um, okay. How about this? Adam Sandler is like, in love with some girl, but then it turns out that the girl is actually a golden retriever, or something.
Studio Executive #1: Oh, perfect!
Studio Executive #2: We'll call it "Puppy Love!"
AWESOM-O: (Farts)
General: Did I just hear that robot fart?
Butters: Robots don't fart!
AWESOM-O: Initiating fart sequence.
General: Eww, and it stinks, too!
AWESOM-O: Initiating smell sequence.
Red Hot Catholic Love - Season 6, Episode 9
There is a planned church boat trip, but the boys aren’t allowed to go because their parents fear them being molested. The boys find out it has something to do with things being put in their butt, but aren’t quite sure what. Cartman thinks it’s food, and another bet with Kyle is the result. Again, Cartman is right, and everyone develops a new way of “eating”, which results in them crapping out of their mouths. The church has a meeting to discuss how to boost attendance numbers, and how to keep the boys mouths shut. It’s then that Father Maxi realizes how deep child molestation goes within the church, and he tries to put an end to it.
Kyle (to Cartman): So you got people to crap out of their mouths! What do you want, a feakin' medal?!
News Anchor (on TV): The Mayor of South Park has announced that for first discovering this healthy way of eating, young citizen Eric Cartman will be given... a freaking medal.
Kyle: AAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Chef: Hello there children.
Stan: Chef! What would a priest want to stick up my butt?
Chef: Goodbye.
The Passion Of The Jew - Season 8, Episode 3
Cartman is giving Kyle a hard time for being a Jew (What’s new?), and he brings up the topic of The Passion Of The Christ. He ends up convincing Kyle to go and see it, and it affects him in such a way that he becomes doubtful of his beliefs. Meanwhile, Stan and Kenny see it, and decide it sucked so they want a refund. They end up taking a bus to Mel Gibsons house so they can break in and steal back their $18. Cartman also starts a Passion fan club, which the followers think is about spreading the word of Jesus. It’s not…
Stan: Come on, Kenny! We're going to Malibu!
Kenny: (muffled) Malibu? But how?
Stan: We'll take the bus! Look, this isn't about the eighteen dollars ticket money anymore. This is about being able to hold bad filmmakers responsible! This is just like when we got our money back for BASEketball
(phone conversation, but neither ones knows who the other is)
Cartman: Mel Gibson's "The Passion" Fan Club.
Stan: Hi, uh, my friend and I just went to see "The Passion".
Cartman: Uh huh, and so you want to join the fan club now. Our first meeting is at 5:30 P.M.
Stan: No no no, no, we want our money back.
Cartman: What?
Stan: We think the movie sucked and we want Mel Gibson to give us back our $18. Do you know how we can get in touch with him?
Cartman: You thought it sucked? Sir, apparently, you don't understand what Mel Gibson was trying to do! He was trying to express, through cinema, the horror and filthiness of the common Jew. It has made people the world over open their eyes.
Stan: Look, kid, we just thought it was a bad movie, so tell us how to get in touch with Mel Gibson so we can get our money back!
Cartman: If I knew where Mel Gibson was, I'd be down on the floor licking his balls at this very moment, sir. All I know is he lives somewhere in Malibu. Now stop wasting me and Mel Gibson's time, you little wussy prick.
Stan: Hey, don't take that tone with me, kid! I'll kick your ***!
Cartman: Oh oh yeah? I'd like to see you try, asshole! I'm like six feet tall!
Stan: I don't care! You sound like a little bitch to me!
Cartman: Bitch? Don't call me bitch! I'll pop your ****in' head open!
Stan: Yeah? You wanna bring it, you little pussy?
Cartman: I already brought it, bitch! I brought it, set it down on the table and opened it, bitch!
Stan: Wait a minute. Cartman?
(Cartman hangs up and edges away)
Jimmy gets annoyed at the boys, because they blow off one of his comedy shows to go and see Christopher Reeve, who is promoting Stem Cell Research. Jimmy thinks he is entitled to the attention, because he has always been crippled, unlike Reeves. This leads to his starting a club with Timmy, called “The Crips”, but they end up joining with gang in Denver because they have the same name. They then become fully fledged gangsters, whilst the other boys try not to get involved with anything.
Jimmy: So can we join your g-group?
Crip: Aright, you wanna thug with the 5-point Crips: bitches, all you gotta do is pop some punk-*** Bloods.
Jimmy: Well sure, Tim and I would love to pop some punk-*** Bloods; we're terrific at it.
Timmy: T-Timmy?
Jimmy: Look, my gang...which i can't talk about because it's super secret is the most important thing to me now, and if you two don't like it, you can just pass the blunt to the nigga on your left
How To Eat With Your Butt - Season 5, Episode 10
Kenny puts is parker on backwards for school photos, and gets a picture taken of his butt. When they get the pictures back, Cartman thinks it’s hilarious, and comes up with the idea of getting it put on a milk carton as a missing child. It happens, and after going out, a couple who suffer from a condition that means they have their butt where their face should, think that it is their long lost child. Cartman feels remorse, but claims that he has blown a funny fuse.
Butters' Mom: Butters can't come out and play, boys. He thinks it's funny to look like a jackass in his school pictures that I have to pay for!
Butters: Huh, but I told you mom. I didn't mean to look like a jackass. It just happened.
Mr. Mackey: [to Cartman] But you know, if you have completely lost your sense of humor, you can always become a writer for the show, Friends. [laughs]
Christian Hard Rock - Season 7, Episode 9
The boys start a rock band called Moop, but they don’t know what they want to play. Cartman says they should be a Christian Rock band, so they can easily get a platinum album. He then gets kicked out of the band, and bets Kyle he can get a platinum album before Kyle can. Cartman starts a band with Token and Butters, whilst the other boys download music for inspiration. The FBI puts a stop to this, and shows the boys just how much downloading affects musicians, which in turn leads to the boys striking against the downloading of music. Cartman’s band, Faith + 1, becomes very popular.
Cartman: All right, Token, give me a smooth bass line.
Token: I don't know how to play bass.
Cartman: Token, how many times do we have to go through this? You're black. You can play bass.
Token: I'm gettin' sick of your stereotypes!
Cartman: Be as sick as you want, just give me a God damned bass line!
(Token starts to play well, to his astonishment)
Token: God dammit!
Cartman: Walk out that door, Token, and you'll regret it the rest of your life! Christians have a built-in audience of over 180 million Americans! If each one of them buys just one of our albums at $12.95 that would be - (points to Butters)
Butters: $2, 331, 000, 000.
Cartman: Still want to leave, Token?
Awesom-O - Season 8, Episode 5
Cartman plays a prank on Butters, where he pretends to be a new robot from Japan. He gets all kind of information to rip on Butters with, but just before he is about to blow his cover, he discovers that Butters has a tape of him pretending to be Britney Spears. This means Cartman has to keep pretending to be a robot, so that he can steal the tape back. Butters uses him for everything, including thinking up movie ideas for executives. The army then gets involved, and wants to destroy the robot. Cartman ends up getting owned.
AWESOM-O: Um, okay. How about this? Adam Sandler is like, in love with some girl, but then it turns out that the girl is actually a golden retriever, or something.
Studio Executive #1: Oh, perfect!
Studio Executive #2: We'll call it "Puppy Love!"
AWESOM-O: (Farts)
General: Did I just hear that robot fart?
Butters: Robots don't fart!
AWESOM-O: Initiating fart sequence.
General: Eww, and it stinks, too!
AWESOM-O: Initiating smell sequence.
Red Hot Catholic Love - Season 6, Episode 9
There is a planned church boat trip, but the boys aren’t allowed to go because their parents fear them being molested. The boys find out it has something to do with things being put in their butt, but aren’t quite sure what. Cartman thinks it’s food, and another bet with Kyle is the result. Again, Cartman is right, and everyone develops a new way of “eating”, which results in them crapping out of their mouths. The church has a meeting to discuss how to boost attendance numbers, and how to keep the boys mouths shut. It’s then that Father Maxi realizes how deep child molestation goes within the church, and he tries to put an end to it.
Kyle (to Cartman): So you got people to crap out of their mouths! What do you want, a feakin' medal?!
News Anchor (on TV): The Mayor of South Park has announced that for first discovering this healthy way of eating, young citizen Eric Cartman will be given... a freaking medal.
Kyle: AAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Chef: Hello there children.
Stan: Chef! What would a priest want to stick up my butt?
Chef: Goodbye.
The Passion Of The Jew - Season 8, Episode 3
Cartman is giving Kyle a hard time for being a Jew (What’s new?), and he brings up the topic of The Passion Of The Christ. He ends up convincing Kyle to go and see it, and it affects him in such a way that he becomes doubtful of his beliefs. Meanwhile, Stan and Kenny see it, and decide it sucked so they want a refund. They end up taking a bus to Mel Gibsons house so they can break in and steal back their $18. Cartman also starts a Passion fan club, which the followers think is about spreading the word of Jesus. It’s not…
Stan: Come on, Kenny! We're going to Malibu!
Kenny: (muffled) Malibu? But how?
Stan: We'll take the bus! Look, this isn't about the eighteen dollars ticket money anymore. This is about being able to hold bad filmmakers responsible! This is just like when we got our money back for BASEketball
(phone conversation, but neither ones knows who the other is)
Cartman: Mel Gibson's "The Passion" Fan Club.
Stan: Hi, uh, my friend and I just went to see "The Passion".
Cartman: Uh huh, and so you want to join the fan club now. Our first meeting is at 5:30 P.M.
Stan: No no no, no, we want our money back.
Cartman: What?
Stan: We think the movie sucked and we want Mel Gibson to give us back our $18. Do you know how we can get in touch with him?
Cartman: You thought it sucked? Sir, apparently, you don't understand what Mel Gibson was trying to do! He was trying to express, through cinema, the horror and filthiness of the common Jew. It has made people the world over open their eyes.
Stan: Look, kid, we just thought it was a bad movie, so tell us how to get in touch with Mel Gibson so we can get our money back!
Cartman: If I knew where Mel Gibson was, I'd be down on the floor licking his balls at this very moment, sir. All I know is he lives somewhere in Malibu. Now stop wasting me and Mel Gibson's time, you little wussy prick.
Stan: Hey, don't take that tone with me, kid! I'll kick your ***!
Cartman: Oh oh yeah? I'd like to see you try, asshole! I'm like six feet tall!
Stan: I don't care! You sound like a little bitch to me!
Cartman: Bitch? Don't call me bitch! I'll pop your ****in' head open!
Stan: Yeah? You wanna bring it, you little pussy?
Cartman: I already brought it, bitch! I brought it, set it down on the table and opened it, bitch!
Stan: Wait a minute. Cartman?
(Cartman hangs up and edges away)