In the Flesh (suggestions for other titles?)

[real_low_mind]

Her shifty eyes followed me until I felt like dirt
but I enjoyed my point of view.
I could see she was beat.
That girl was a chilly sadist in the flesh. Hung up and washed out.
She was stiff as a board and inhaled makeup like cocaine
Her entourage had appealed to me in a dream
She asked me what color this planet really was
She looked black and blue to me and I said black and blue
She said where is the feeling I said I don't know babe I know you can look farther than me
And she was a seed.

When she cried about it
I said don't you know you get what you deserve
And you know when she cried about it
I said don't you know you get what you deserve
She was more trouble than she was worth
But when she spoke about it you know I heard every word


(...never mind the punctuation please...)

[pie20spike]

I really like the lyric 'and she was a seed' so maybe 'seed' would be a good title or something like 'Seed of Descent'.

Good points: Clearly a lot of emotion behind it.
The reversals and the laguage are good, like the last 3 lines of the first paragraph.

Bad points: It overloads on imagery, maybe if you wrote a clear chorus and an ending for this and stripped away one of two of the metaphors, it would flow better from start to finish, yes/no?

[insanepunkguy]

awesome stuff, thas the kinda **** id love to read man!!
as for titles, i do come up with some weird ones, but how about "sweetie, your face turned sour"??

[drumass04]

Black dot