With a magazine of one million emotions… [Archive]

insanepunkguy

03-11-2006, 04:51 PM

it may sound weird, but alot of the images are very personal to my life so only i would fully understand them, so its down to your interpretation of them
anyways, hope u like it

With a magazine of one million emotions…

Well there’s a corroding Eden
Standing next to me now
Talking through my head
Hearing through my voice
And it’s useless to try
My own great escape
There’s corruption in the ranks, sir
An honest answer was heard

And I may not be your idea of a prince
But I can still sweep you off your feet, princess

Questioning her inhibitions
Why does he always seem to invade?
We’re involved in World War 3
You’re a treaty of peace and hate
But it won’t stop there
Because until a truthful word
Is spoken, I won’t sleep well
But with my gun in my bed

And I may not be your idea of a prince
But I can still sweep you off your feet, princess

Charged
Load
Fire
Die

Charged
Load
LOVE ME BACK

And I may not be your idea of a prince
But I can still sweep you off your feet, princess
And this house may not be what you’d call a palace
But your feet are already off the ground, princess

clan_crusader

03-12-2006, 10:38 AM

hey man. i'll crit this one, could you crit my new one? thanks.

"Well there’s a corroding Eden
Standing next to me now
Talking through my head
Hearing through my voice
And it’s useless to try
My own great escape
There’s corruption in the ranks, sir
An honest answer was heard"

i'm liking this first verse a lot. the third and fourth lines are good, something clever there. and the last two lines too, they're something different. cant find much wrong with this one.

"And I may not be your idea of a prince
But I can still sweep you off your feet, princess"

possibly a bit cliched, but sometimes its good to have the odd one in there, kinda works at times. i wouldnt say this works completely, maybe have another look at it, but you could leave it in there. like i always say, it depends on the way you sing it, and if it actually means something personal to you then it can stay.

"Questioning her inhibitions
Why does he always seem to invade?
We’re involved in World War 3
You’re a treaty of peace and hate
But it won’t stop there
Because until a truthful word
Is spoken, I won’t sleep well
But with my gun in my bed"

i like the idea of the treaty of peace and hate, but with all the bull**** about world war three that has been said in the world, joke or no joke, i dont think you should put it in your song. even though it fits, maybe look at it again and think about what else could fit in there instead. liking the gun in my bed line too, nice one. nice line break in there too :thumb:

"Charged
Load
Fire
Die"

i could imagine this part of the song exactly, and its different from the rest, so it breaks it all up and adds a fresh new idea.

"Charged
Load
LOVE ME BACK"

same thing here as the last comment. nice.

"And I may not be your idea of a prince
But I can still sweep you off your feet, princess
And this house may not be what you’d call a palace
But your feet are already off the ground, princess"

i like to do this kind of thing in my songs too, take a line or two from earlier in the song and add more to it. once this has been read, people can look back at the earlier part and think how clever you've been there :) so good job with that.

your songs arent the easiest to crit you know, coz they're deeply linked with events in your life, but what i would say is dont ever change that for the world. thats what songwriting should be about, but JUST a love song that makes sense to others as well, one that should be true to YOU and only you. the less people who can relate to your songs, the better the song is i would say (as long as you can relate to it of course!!).

there we go. crit my new one now please? its called 'wondering what could have been'. thanks man.

peace