Please help me!

[Down By...]

I've written this lyrics and i want to know if you like it, or why you don't like it! Please hlep me to give it a songname! Thanks for your help!

Our souls, for a anthem
We rise our fist into the sky
Our bodies, more than just a hull
We rise our fist into the sky
Our thoughts, of a better live
We rise our fist into the sky
For our rights and all we stand for

You can burn us
but you can't kill us

We will raise from the ashes again
like the phoenix in our dreams
We will raise from the ashes again
get up right from where we came

You can't kill us
'Cause We died a thousand deads before

Our vains pumping fire
We rise our fist into the sky
Our eyes burning like flames
We rise our fist into the sky
Our wish to see you bleed
We rise our fist into the sky
For our rights and all we stand for

You can burn us
but you can't kill us

We will raise from the ashes again
like the phoenix in our dreams
We will raise from the ashes again
get up right from, where we came


We will raise from the ashes again
like the phoenix in our dreams
We will raise from the ashes again
get up right from, where we came

:chug:

[RollerQueen]

Consult a grammar book or something because that's a constant problem throughout the whole thing. The Phoenix metaphor has been so dulled that even Xzibit used it on an episode of MTV's "Cribs," so you really have to do something more innovative with that theme to make any sort of impact.

[mutt]

Roller queen nailed my crit on the head.

[Bub]

But don't fret, it'd make a killer european power metal song :thumb:

But yes, rollerdude got it right

[RollerQueen]

That came off a bit mean, and I didn't intend that. Yeah, just clean up the grammar, and perhaps do something else with the Phoenix thing if use it at all as it has been overdone at this point.