A New Song Wrote..

[BobaloGDOG]

I wrote it for my girlfriend.. I'm gonna give/ show it to her on our 1 year anniversary which isn't that far away. So, I just wanna see what other people think.

"Anniversary"
By : Adam Rase

You know.
I do.
Want to, love you.
It's ironic.
The way we are. (The way we are.)
I'm amazed we've got this far.
This close.
Close to perfect.
Past the defect.


Forever isn't just a word.
We are forever, don't worry.
It's not just any day.
It's our anniversary.


We both feel the same.
You know.
I do.
Past a milestone.
Lost the important.
Atleast we're not alone anymore.


Forever isn't just a word.
We are forever, don't worry.
It's not just any day.
It's our anniversary.



You are my light.
Everglowing.
You are my light.


MY LOVER IS MINE, AND I AM HERS!!


Forever isn't just a word.
We are forever, don't worry.
It's not just any day.
It's our anniversary.
It's our anniversary.
It's our anniversary.
Anniversary.
Anniversary.
It's our anniversary.




..uhh that's it. Just tell me what you think.

[AmericanWeiner]

I wrote it for my girlfriend.. I'm gonna give/ show it to her on our 1 year anniversary which isn't that far away. So, I just wanna see what other people think.

"Anniversary"
By : Adam Rase

You know.
I do.
Want to, love you.
It's ironic.


If I was a girl, I wouldn't take this kindly.


The way we are. (The way we are.)
I'm amazed we've got this far.
This close.
Close to perfect.
Past the defect.


Or this.


Lost the important.
Atleast we're not alone anymore.


Or this.

You know, I'm probably not the kind of character this forum wants.

I wrote a poem/song like this for a girl one time. She dumped me a week later.

And it's a little repetitive, but that's all personal preference.

[BobaloGDOG]

Damn, I must really suck at writing songs then.

Because this is literally the best song I've ever written. Well, that's what my friends.. well, friend said.

[MarshallArtist3203]

If I was the girl you wrote this for, I would probabluy dump you the minute you showed this to me. Not because its mean, but because its just so bad.


Nah Im just kiddin I just wanted to see what being Simon Cowell was like.

Its actually not that bad Im gonna leave some pointers for you

"Anniversary"
By : Adam Rase

You know.
I do.
Want to, love you.
It's ironic.
The way we are. (The way we are.)
I'm amazed we've got this far.
This close.
Close to perfect.
Past the defect.

Well...Im gonna agree with the other guy. If I was the girl I probably wouldnt take this very nicely. But thats besides the point lol. I think the best 2 lines of this stanza are the last 2 lines in it. Other than that I dont really like this stanza too much. If you could build a verse off those 2 lines I think it would be a pretty cool concept.


Forever isn't just a word.
We are forever, don't worry.
It's not just any day.
It's our anniversary.


This is ok....I dont know how else to describe it...but ok lol. Its a little cliche, but hey, what isnt nowadays?

We both feel the same.
You know.
I do.
Past a milestone.
Lost the important.
Atleast we're not alone anymore.

I like the past the milestone idea...the rest is not so great. but thats just me.


You are my light.
Everglowing.
You are my light.


Itd be pretty cool if you used that, but make it more intense. make it sound like shes the light to something you feel, or someone you are uk wut i mean?

MY LOVER IS MINE, AND I AM HERS!!
ALONG WITH EVERYONE ELSES!!!!!!!!! haha jk


Forever isn't just a word.
We are forever, don't worry.
It's not just any day.
It's our anniversary.
It's our anniversary.
It's our anniversary.
Anniversary.
Anniversary.
It's our anniversary.


Ok are you screaming some of that because to me thats the only way it could go lol


Well this is my crit. Overall Id give this song a 6/10. To me its not that great but hey, who am I to tell you how to write. All you gotta do is keep practicing and youll get better. Dont let anyone change how you write you should only be in it to make yourself happy