of fire... be harsh

[gabbahey there we go]

its called of fire, im looking for some crits

of fire
-------------
Last time I checked
I was the one with tears in my eyes
And something worth fighting for
Because these trenches can’t protect
The graces I’ve already declined
And now there’s no more I can stand
I’m sorry, but I crossed the line

I can see the difference
Between a mistake and a lie
And although I know ill never see you again
At least you don’t have to see why
As I flee from the fight
the fire fades from my eyes

I’ve left nothing for you but my pity
And a reason to think of me

When there’s nothing more than pity to hold on to
And it rots your finger tips, and you hold on to
Nothing more
I’ve given you my fear of pain

I’ve failed you
And that, dear, is why you can never
see your father again
------------

bleh thats it c4c

[DeadReligion]

A bit...cliche. A little bit lacking in description as well, I liked the finger tip/rotting line though. Also, the grace line is nice. This definetly needs more description, and other devices though. Sorry, wish I was in a mood to be more thorough. 6/10.

[jb6oclock]

Nice. Refer to crit below....

of fire
-------------
Last time I checked
I was the one with tears in my eyes
And something worth fighting for
Because these trenches can’t protect
The graces I’ve already declined
And now there’s no more I can stand
I’m sorry, but I crossed the line
^^^^my favorite part about this song is how you don't know who it's about until the end, this is a fantastic way to introduce this "stranger" 10/10


I can see the difference
Between a mistake and a lie
And although I know ill never see you again
At least you don’t have to see why
As I flee from the fight
the fire fades from my eyes
^^^^Again, here you've managed to continue the story and make us feel and understand this person yet we have no idea who it is...10/10


I’ve left nothing for you but my pity
And a reason to think of me
^^^^Excellent!


When there’s nothing more than pity to hold on to
And it rots your finger tips, and you hold on to
Nothing more
I’ve given you my fear of pain
^^^^Straight up proffessional songwriting..


I’ve failed you
And that, dear, is why you can never
see your father again
^^^^you wrapped this thing up like gold in a taco man. I commend you on this piece it is well written, easy to recieve, and very moving for a large demogrphic. Overall 10/10

[seyeco]

Pretty good. Now if we only had music for it.

[gabbahey there we go]

um its joel right?
how bout creeping barrage?