Does this allegory/metaphor work/make sense?

[Pete]

Uh, so I've been having quite the bad streak for a few months where I've written basically no lyrics. I think it's a combination of two things - I am extremely harsh in my critique against myself (and thus I scrap lyrics before they're even written because they don't live up to my standards), and I'm running out of things I really want to have said (having written 40+ songs does that to me).

But the other day I got this idea that I've started toying around with, that I've scribbled down a few lines for (read below) and that I have a melody for. The basic idea, and the name of the song, is "Snow Day". The concept is; well, you all know what having a snow day is, right? When schools and businesses close down because there's too much snow. I'm gonna work with that concept as a metaphor for freedom (ie having a snow day), and how too much of it can be crippling. It's gonna be both a look at fundamental problems about anarchy (which is something I somehow believe in [being a punk rocker and all], but yet realize is impossible) as well as other forms of abolished government/societal structure (ie, wartorn countries, and obviously catastrophed areas).

Does it make sense? Could I make a good song out of the idea, without resorting to either pretentious drivel, or nonsensical straightforwardness?

Some lines I have written (that suit the melody), that are just opening sentances to the verses, so far;

A broadcast on the radio
A prognosis promising snow

/.../

A frozen wall of H20

/.../

My footprints fading in the snow

I know it's not much (and yes, they're all supposed to end with a same-sounding syllabel).

Any input would be cool.

[AmericanWeiner]

Uh, so I've been having quite the bad streak for a few months where I've written basically no lyrics. I think it's a combination of two things - I am extremely harsh in my critique against myself (and thus I scrap lyrics before they're even written because they don't live up to my standards), and I'm running out of things I really want to have said (having written 40+ songs does that to me).

But the other day I got this idea that I've started toying around with, that I've scribbled down a few lines for (read below) and that I have a melody for. The basic idea, and the name of the song, is "Snow Day". The concept is; well, you all know what having a snow day is, right? When schools and businesses close down because there's too much snow. I'm gonna work with that concept as a metaphor for freedom (ie having a snow day), and how too much of it can be crippling. It's gonna be both a look at fundamental problems about anarchy (which is something I somehow believe in [being a punk rocker and all], but yet realize is impossible) as well as other forms of abolished government/societal structure (ie, wartorn countries, and obviously catastrophed areas).

Does it make sense? Could I make a good song out of the idea, without resorting to either pretentious drivel, or nonsensical straightforwardness?

Some lines I have written (that suit the melody), that are just opening sentances to the verses, so far;

A broadcast on the radio
A prognosis promising snow

/.../

A frozen wall of H20

/.../

My footprints fading in the snow

I know it's not much (and yes, they're all supposed to end with a same-sounding syllabel).

Any input would be cool.

First off, your metaphor is your metaphor. If you get it, that's all that really matters.

I like the idea, though. It'd be most interesting, I think, if you wrote it from the perspective (and understanding of a child). That's really just me, though.